This weekend, Disney Channel aired all of its old original movies. I was so excited when I first found out, because it was like my childhood came flooding back to me. I remember watching the premier of Jump In with my friends for my 12th birthday. I remember how I would sing the songs to Pixel Perfect during school because I was so obsessed with Ricky Ulman. I would always wish I lived in the house from Smart House, and cast myself and my friends in the Cheetah Girls. I was ALWAYS Doranda. Like any other person my age, I was stoked to relive my childhood by re-watching all of these classics. Unfortunately, this weekend of nostalgia also came with extreme sadness.

As I was watching Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior on Friday afternoon, I immediately started to feel different about this weekend. Instead of excitement and joy, I felt empty and sad. It was like I was missing something and I couldn't figure out why I no longer felt as excited about this weekend as I thought. As I watched Brenda Song jump kick a jello out of a guy's hands I thought to myself, "Why do I feel so distant from these movies that I once loved?" Then, I figured out the answer: Gram.

Growing up with my grandmother, we would always watch television together. Every time a new DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie) came out, we would watch it together. If I watched a repeated one for the hundredth time, Gram would yell "Now, HOW many times have we seen this one about the boy mermaid?" (The 13th Year). But, no matter what movie it was, or how many times we watched it, Gram and I would bond over these movies. She let me stay up late to watch Double Teamed on a school night, because "those twins are just so impressive." She turned on Go Figure when I was upset about a bad haircut I got. Every single time I watched Quints, she always pointed out how Kimberly J. Brown was "pigeon toed."

To me, these movies are so much more than movies. They were a bonding experience with my Gram that I can't get back. I want more than anything to spend this weekend with my deceased grandmother so we can watch all of "our old programs." When we watched Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off, I always told her how I too wanted to crack an egg with one hand. Her response was the same every time: "You will be able to one day, baby." You know what? I CAN crack an egg with one hand now, and every time I do, I think of Gram and that movie.

Watching all of the old DCOMs this weekend is definitely bringing me back to all those nights of watching these movies with Gram. While I am enjoying the movies, I can't help but think about how I wish Gram were here to watch them with me. In some way, I can feel her silently judging me for watching Cadet Kelly (her favorite) without her. Though it all seems very stupid, watching these movies makes me miss Gram more than ever. If only I could go back in time and re-watch all these movies with her. However, as I watch them, I know for a fact she is with me because after all, we're all in this together.