I felt sick. I wanted to puke. No, I wasn’t pregnant. But when I heard words of discouragement from someone I loved, concerning a passion that I was trying to pursue, I wanted to run.
At first, I wasn’t sure whether I should’ve been angry or sad. But, as the words hit me, the wound was too quick to settle in. Later, whenever these negative words were directed at me, nervousness was always immediate, and pacing the floor became a new habit. I'd power walk in and out of each room in the house, at least twice, three times max, covering every inch of floor possible. The ticking of the clock would grow louder each second. My breathing would be difficult to control, and I’d feel like I’m caught in suspension. It seemed like a puppeteer attached strings to my body, thinking it would be entertaining to see me connected to the other end, just dangling an inch from the ground, eyes blank and helpless.
After hearing the words of discouragement, I began to understand that as I got older, the more often I’d hear it. The nagging, or heart-to-hearts, are quite a mixture of the indirect implications or the flat out, stone-cold truth spoken from the mouths of your parents, relatives, best friends, and significant other. I saw it as a sort of "right of passage" into adulthood, and then it became an event that just happens.
The ones you love are always the hardest on you.
They really and wholeheartedly love you. However, their way of showing it might be a bit odd, sincere, or extremely messed up. They will point out almost everything that is wrong with what you’re doing, what you did, or what you’re about to do.
They don’t want to see you fail.
The bottom line is: they support you. Maybe not your decisions, but they will always give you some version of “the benefit of the doubt.” Sometimes, the brutality of their words will hurt massively. But remember, pain is only temporary.
They want you to be okay.
They will always see you as one of their V.I.P.’s, even if you’re an adult. Depending on who it is, they may even go as far as making sure you are where they think you need to be, by using every ounce of power that they have.
When it comes to words, sometimes it's just not enough and action must take its place, though I know this isn’t necessarily true in certain cases. The proof varies from showing your loved ones what you've accomplished: fashion design graduate with a line of commissions at your feet, or selling your original music and making a living off of it. Maybe even running your own restaurant when you, at first, only had flies in your pocket and spent sleepless nights planning it all out. Whatever your proof is, it isn't only showing your loved ones you did it, but showing that all that hard work you went through paid off.
Whether you like it or not, you will eventually be confronted with discouragement. Maybe it's not their intention to be discouraging, but deep down, they mean well and want you to be realistic. Everyone has different ways of coping with it, but whenever I hear those daunting words, I keep three pieces of advice in the front of my mind:
1. Breathe & calm down.
If you have a bad case of anxiety, like me, then controlling your breathing is a must. Personally, yoga is really helpful because one of its main focuses is breath technique, which allows you to feel at ease and ready your mind for what's in store for you.
2. Speak up.
If you are the kind of person that gets frustrated, thinking people will automatically know how you’re feeling and why, then you need an incredibly hard smack in the face from reality. People are not mind readers. It doesn’t matter whom you’re frustrated and angry with: parents, friends, or a significant other. They won’t know how you’re feeling unless you vividly express that to them. And no, not in the passive-aggressive manner, because that will, more likely than not, make the situation worse.
3. Don’t just prove them wrong. Prove yourself wrong.
Their words might get to you and haunt you throughout the days. Maybe they will never understand that what you’re doing isn’t just for yourself, but for every single thing they’ve done for you, too. It's hard enough to meet in the middle with the people that mean the most to you because they won’t visualize precisely why you see things at angles they may or may not have even considered.
I think you owe it to yourself to finally see the end to the road you’ve walked and bruised your feet on. The damage of these words may emotionally scar you, but it is also a reminder to continue on. Through all the words spoken by people blinded by their own experiences, tear off the strings that the puppeteer attached to you, and stand firmly on the ground. The road might be unclear at times but follow it, and knock down some obstructions in the process. The truth is, you will change and so will your dreams. If they dim over time, ask yourself if it was something someone said or was it that you decided to stop trying because you let those words affect you? Maybe you’ll add more dreams to your list. It all won’t matter unless you keep struggling and move forward.
