During Rome's third century reign, Emperor Claudius II thought that men make better soldiers when they're unmarried. With this in mind, he made marriage among soldiers illegal. However, a priest of the name Valentine continued to marry soldiers despite the law. He believed in love and that everyone deserved to participate in the holy sacrament. When discovered, Father Valentine was put to death.

While Saint Valentine rebelled against the Roman emperor and continued to perform marriages, though, he had no idea of the great power his actions would carry. Yes! He had no idea his rebellion would contribute to the creation of a holiday two-thousand years later, celebrating what he truly believed in; and, although there is no real historical proof to his unspoken beliefs, I feel there is no way that he wouldn't be proud of the holiday we all celebrate for his actions...Discount Chocolate Day!

In all seriousness, though, the day after Valentine's day (DCD for short) is one of my favorite holidays, next to Halloween. There are two big similarities between them, though. First, they both have a definite theme. While Halloween's theme is jump scares and gore, DCD is empty retail shelves and regret! The second similarity is the abundance of cheap candy. DCD has an edge over Halloween in this regard, however, since the chocolate is the not just cheap-ass bags of fun size regular candy— it's the good shit. Whitman's boxes, Linden chocolates and the like abound in the discount aisle of Walmart.

I'm not sure why no one talks about this wonderful day, and keep on talking about that other one...what was it again, Valentinus Day? Well, whatever its name is, I hope I've lured you away from the societal pressures and discussions of relationships for a little while enough to remind you that a much sweeter, chocolatey day lies ahead.