As an OG Catholic school girl, I grew up with the idea that during Lent you're supposed to give something up. I no longer see myself as Catholic per se (that’s a tale for another day), but Lent is one of those old childhood traditions that I will always appreciate and participate in.
Usually I would give up something like chocolate, or ice cream, and afterwards I would go back to indulging without much thought. But this year has been one loaded with reconstruction in my life, mostly internal but a little external here and there (like the head shave ... also a tale for another article). And after thoroughly struggling to survive my first year at big-girl school, I decided that I was going to use these 40 days (46 if we want to get really technical) as a time for reflection and further self-improvement.
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How does social media relate to reflection and self-improvement, you ask?
Well, this is where it gets personal. In the days leading up to this decision, I looked at my life and seriously asked myself "In what areas am I doing well?" That list came up short. Not a great sign. But instead of getting discouraged, I decided to ask myself another question: "What areas of my life need improvement?" That list on the other hand is extensive, especially since I find something new to add to it every day. One of the biggest weaknesses that I was able to identify about myself is that I possess the uncanny gift of comparing my life to the lives of people I scroll past on my daily (hourly) social media stalks. But what exactly am I comparing myself to?
If you really think about it, today’s culture is obsessed with some pretty strange things. We praise women who's thighs don't touch, but bash them for showing enough skin for us to notice it. We think it's cool or trendy to promote emotional detachment but continue to disregard the reality that people do get attached, people do get hurt, and people do in fact have hearts and it is not shameful to use them. We make it acceptable to tear people down publicly through rap-battles, mocking internet memes, and ridiculous tabloid articles, hiding behind our computer screens and demonizing each other for doing the things that we are all guilty of.
You see, nobody wants to talk about the parts of our lives that are less than glamorous, distorting our perception of reality and leaving us with nowhere to turn for help when our lives don’t look like the pictures, or the memes don't apply to us.
I have found that personally, it is too easy for me to believe the lie. I look at a picture of a happy couple and think "Wow, they’re so perfect.”
Or swipe through the Instagram of a beautiful model and think, "She’s so lucky. I bet she is so happy."
But in reality, a picture only tells .001% of the story. Especially with today's technology that gives us the ability to edit, distort, erase and beautify, the truth cannot be determined from a single frame. And though my rational mind knows this, my subconscious is much more gullible. I know that even the Beyonces of the world have flaws hidden behind the filters, and I know that there is no such thing as a "perfect couple," but still I put my phone down and look in the mirror and think, “Eh, could be better." Comparing myself and my life to the false images of others’ lives is draining.
So this Lent I decided to disconnect.
And in the six weeks that I was disconnected from the virtual world, I felt myself reconnect to the real world. And as a result, reconnect with myself.
I found myself having more meaningful conversations with people, less distracted by a notification of a Snapchat or an Instagram like. I wasn't constantly up to date with the lives of my friends and peers, so when I asked them "What's up?" or "How have you been?" I was genuinely curious, because I didn't already know the answer via their Snapchat story.
I noticed how annoying it is to ask someone a question, only to look up and see that their delayed response was because they were too busy responding to someone else through their screen.
I was able to focus on homework and work obligations without using the internet as a means of procrastination, and I even read a book (with real paper pages) for fun.
But the biggest thing that I took away from this social media hiatus was the change I felt in myself-- I felt free. Checking in on and posting to social media accounts became a part of my morning, afternoon, and nightly rituals, and without it, I filled my time with more productive things, or just took more time to enjoy the silence in my head.
The downside?
After reading this reflection, you might think that I am entirely anti-social media, but I'm not. Quite the opposite actually. I think it can be wonderful.
As a 20-year-old student living 2,000 miles from my closest friends, family, and cherished pets, social media is a life saver. It allows me to see what my loved ones are up to, and make sure my friends back home are still alive. Being disconnected for so long made it harder to keep in touch with my far-away-friends, something I'm already horrible at.
As a writer, social media has become a main source of content distribution. It's pretty much impossible to promote your work if you cannot post it anywhere, and it's way too pretentious to tell someone to "Just google me,” if they ask where they can find your most recent article. This is where Facebook sharing comes in handy.
As a girl, there are lots of cute boys to look at online. Not to mention the pictures of yummy food, funny vines, and adorable cat videos. I honestly think I missed these things more than the cute boys.
The Lesson
In the end, I can truthfully say that social media is an amazing thing. I mean, chances are the only reason you are reading this is because of social media. The internet gives us the ability to reach millions of people at the touch of a button; it's unbelievably powerful.
But like any powerful thing, it has its good sides and bad sides. It should be used carefully and in moderation.
Social media can cause distorted ideas of reality, only if you let it. For some people, it is easy to separate the digital world from the physical. But for others like myself, you have to learn when to shut it down.
Just like it’s necessary to take out the trash in your house, it’s necessary to take out the trash that is building up in your mind. The type of mental garbage you accumulate varies from person to person, but mine was the constant comparison of myself with people online, and the way I got rid of it was by going on a social media strike. Whatever it is for you, whatever thing gets you down or makes you feel inadequate, try giving it a rest for a bit. It doesn’t even have to be for 40 days, try 1 or 2 to start, and I promise you, the results will be worth the initial discomfort.
