Expectations are a funny thing and drive me completely insane. They are filled with hope and validation and reassurance that you matter and the work you do matters. If you are anything like I am, I cling to expectations. I desire to be reassured at every step in my life. I want to know that the journey I am on is the right path and that my friends care about me. If I work very hard on an assignment I expect to get the validation that I did my best and if I put my all in a friendship I expect reciprocation. This exact notion of assurance is what causes my beating hard to ache because nine times out of ten they are not met.

I tend to expect a lot from the people I surround myself with and the work I put all my effort in. There have been many times in my life where I have questioned if the glue of expectations stuck to my mind is a good thing or bad thing.

As I sit here and contemplate this thought, I get even more perplexed. I have been taught by my parents that I deserve nothing but the best and that I should focus my energy on things that reward me with happiness. However, my fingers then attract to the magnet social media has become and finds the quote, “ Expectations lead to disappointments” and derives a sense of truth in those words too.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier if I just accepted every action done to me and have my bar set low? Wouldn’t I hurt less if I lowered my self-worth and lose hope in my work and relationships?

The more I ponder on these questions the more I realize that my answer is no but only because I have been looking at the term expectations the wrong way. I have always associated this word as a bloody battle between my heart and mind but that is not the case at all. I know I am the product of God’s fine creation blessed with the ability–to love and to be loved, to work and to be worked on, to grow and to help others grow, and to think and to be taught. However, if I was to turn the term expectations into appreciation then my heart immediately eases. It lets go of the hated, anger, and fear of failure but looks at the people and situations that have ultimately disappointed me as appreciative opportunities to grow and learn from.

Working on a paper for countless hours to not get the grade you desired hurts a lot more than you would think. Losing a friendship because of realistic expectations broken hurts even more. However, I am slowly taking these situations of my expectations and turning them into appreciative lessons and looking at the silver lining.

It is OK to desire respect, love, validation, and care but it is NOT OK to let your heart ache when those desires aren’t met. Turn that ache into a lesson and grow through what you go through.