Being the first child in a household brings many difficulties. Their woeful problems range from high expectations to not having a sense of direction since the child and the parents have not experienced certain situations before. The older child may also have the obligation of relenting to younger siblings; either caving in to the needy whines or just feeling it is the right action to take. Often, the second child is perceived as the one with the advantage because the parents will know how to push the child in the “right” direction. Supposedly, the parents will know the procedures of raising a child and the next child won’t be the “experiment” and will grow to become the perfectly tailored, successful second child. Perhaps he/she will even be a better version of the first child.
What if the first child already exceeded the parent’s standards? Many parents fall into the belief of “he/she did it, why can’t you?” Somehow, since the first child managed to accomplish a task, the second kid must be able to do an even better job. Second children face ever higher expectations to go above and beyond what was already achieved.
As a second child, I can understand this problem that many younger siblings encounter when their older siblings are incredibly successful. Often times I don’t have an interest in what my older brother excels in, yet my parents think I have somehow inherited the same genes and have the same interests as my brother and will excel in the same areas. Unfortunately, my parents’ expectations will not come into fruition because I do not share the same interests as my brother and most certainly do not excel in the same areas as he does. The hard truth does not stop them from hoping that one day I will suddenly develop a love for a certain subject and throw myself into learning everything about it.
I have heard countless stories about how someone’s older sibling currently goes to some prestigious college or graduated from an Ivy League. Could you imagine trying to top that off? Not only do people talk about the success of the older sibling, these stories are often accompanied with whispers of how the second child “is smart but not as smart.” These children not only face the expectation to do well, but often hear discouraging, snide remarks about their performance.
The comparisons second children face can be incredibly unfair. In fear of disappointing his/her parents, many children keep their mouths shut and keep laboring away at something they don’t even like. These children have seen the success of their older siblings and feel that in order to succeed, they should follow the footsteps of their older sibling so they can experience the same success and achievements.
In these situations, the parents should not be blamed either. Every parent wants their child to succeed, and a path where the first child had succeeded in would be the obvious choice for what path the second child should take. The parents have seen empirically seen that pursuing a certain subject (for example, electrical engineering) led to a prosperous career, and it would seem the second child would be more likely to succeed as well. By directing the second child onto the same path as the first, the parents would feel the child has his/her future primed for success. The opposite scenario would occur as well. If a career pathway failed for the first child, it would not be likely the parents would recommend the second child following that occupation, even if he/she loves that job.
While these problems may seem to make being the second child incredibly disadvantageous, most of these stem from the parents trying to make their child succeed. The parents may be heavy-handed in the upbringing of the child and place high expectations. They may force him/her to push the child to do activities they may not want to do and prevent him/her from doing certain activities the first child did not do so well in. But at the end of the day, all they want is for their child to reach his/her full potential and do the best he/she can.
