I’ve been at the joysticks for as long as I can remember. When I got the original Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas at the age of six, my life’s path was decided. My mother regretted it instantly. “You’re going to grow out of that, aren’t you?” she would ask with some reproach as she read wish-lists populated entirely by gaming gear. “Haven’t you grown out of that yet?” she plaintively mewed as I blew entire paychecks on game consoles. “Imagine what you could do if you applied the same effort to school that you do to your stupid games,” she coolly told me as she narrowed her eyes to look at my 1.0 GPA report card. Let’s face it— she was right. I couldn’t even manage to get a high D. That she was correct didn’t change anything, sadly. I’ve had a borderline compulsive relationship with video games from childhood through my teenage years and into adulthood. For a period, I was negligent of most other responsibilities outside of the very basic maintenance of survival. A true gamer.

If I had to explain it to you, my fascination with video games lies in the numbers; the strategy, the risk/reward, the mastering of mechanics, the instant gratification that is built in to nearly every character of code. To be clear: I don’t generally play games for the story. While there are some gems that have really explored the unique capabilities inherent to an interactive format (the Bioshock series, Dark Souls, pretty much any BioWare game), most games feature the same idle narrative slog that has been trampled to death by other mediums. Blahblah great evil blahblah chosen one blahblah here’s-some-special-powers-save-the-world. But if you can get through the silly surface, games have something really special to offer. They give you power (albeit digital), and that power allows you to effect real change within the world. It should come as no surprise that the opportunity to have control and power is a tantalizing offer to a chubby zit-faced teenager.

As you get older, approaching adulthood, video games offer an appealing antidote to the onslaught of tedious dead-end jobs that face one with a 1.0 grade average. In my humble opinion, there’s simply nothing better than wasting an entire day off in your pajamas playing video games and eating bad pizza (It’s the best when it’s a really beautiful day outside and you know everyone would be really mad at you for wasting it as you sit there gnawing on crusts and staring out the window into the middle-distance). Of course this routine meant that I neglected most other opportunities in life like education or meaningful personal relationships, but video games offered me the perfect escape in which none of that mattered. In a sense, I was addicted. This isn’t a new idea, of course. “Video game addiction” has been oft-bantered about by concerned mothers and sociologists alike. While video games stimulate the same sweet drip of dopamine in your brain as drugs, it’s hardly comparable. Video games are on par with sex and eating as far as dopamine increases are concerned. The moral here is that anything can be addictive and potentially harmful if done in excess.

Video games are relatively new; and new things sometimes scare people, so I understand why my mother was so concerned about me. There absolutely was a point at which video games were doing more harm than good. But I eventually managed to temper my playtime a bit and pursue other interests in my mid-twenties. I started a band. I went back to school. I got married. I learned to incorporate other things into my life.

My wife, Lauren, doesn’t care much for video games herself. She will, on occasion, play Mario Kart or Super Mario with me if I beg long enough, but it has never been a hobby of hers. She’s a voracious reader and has been successful in her life; in short, she has had better things to do. Thus I find it interesting to seek out some of her thoughts about video games and me as a gamer.

Addison: Lauren, thanks for meeting with me.

Lauren: Oh god, c’mon. Just get to the point.

A: So… what is your opinion on games in general?

L: I don’t like ‘em. I don’t like the equipment. It’s unappealing to the eye. I understand why people like them, and I liked them when I was a kid, but they have just never held much appeal to me. So I can’t judge, but I guess I associate them with dirty teenage boys.

A: Sure. So then what was your opinion on guys that played video games before you met me?

L: I never really had one. I didn’t know anyone that played video games. Never thought about it.

A: Do you have an opinion now?

L: No. I’m glad you like them... I guess it’s just like reading for me and other stuff I’m interested in. I think people can get out of hand with them, but it doesn’t really bother me that you play them, no.

A: When you say people can get out of hand, what do you mean?

L: They just play them constantly. It is weird to me that you can sit in a dark room and play them for nine hours straight and not see the light of day. That’s kind of strange.

A: What’s strange about it?

L: You just sit in a dark room and don’t see sunshine or other people all day. It seems isolating.

A: Mhmm. What about people that sit and binge on Netflix?

L: I don’t think that’s good for you either!

A: But you’re guilty of it.

L: Yeah, but mostly if I’m sick or feeling depressed. But as a general rule, sitting in a dark room all day doing nothing just makes me more depressed.

A: Ok, fair enough. On a scale of one to ten, how much sexier does my headset make me look when I’m solving my game tapes?

L: Negative twenty.

A: Don’t I look like a cool helicopter pilot or something?

L: C’mon, quit being a dork. I don’t care ‘cause I love you. But if I didn’t know you I would think it was pretty lame.

A: Do you think I’m addicted to games?

(A long, grim pause.)

L: ...No, but I would like to see what you could do if you didn’t have them.

A: Well, for that matter so would I.

L: I don’t think you’re addicted to them. Am I addicted to shoes? No, but I really like having them. But if you played them all the time and never wanted to do anything with me then yes, I would have a problem.

A: So you don’t find it pitiable?

L: No. Everyone has their thing, man.

A: Are you sure?

L: Yeah. I would tell you. It’s an easy thing to use against you when we’re fighting. I guess the types of games you play require some hand-eye coordination and thought… You’re not playing The Sims, which is really creepy.

A: That’s interesting. Why is The Sims creepy?

L: Quit talking to me like you’re Wolf Blitzer.

(Lauren takes a moment to lecture me on the finer points of interviewing.)

L: Well, I associate The Sims as an obsession for people who have a lackluster life in reality. That’s probably not fair, because I’ve never been into it. I escape through books. So I guess it’s just an escapist thing. But I think it’s worrying to need to step outside your life constantly. When I think of The Sims, I just imagine someone sitting in a basement pretending to be anything but themselves.

A: Just sitting in the dark, the computer screen illuminating their face as they take long drags on their Newport Menthols and make their little avatars go to the bathroom and cook dinner.

L: Exactly. I just think there’s a line. Like the Korean people letting their babies sit in diapers and starve to death. But I don’t think the Columbine Massacre happened because video games, I don’t think that’s viable. If I had a son though, I wouldn’t let him play that stuff until he was 15 or 16.

A: Lauren, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

L: Oh god, I’m leaving.

So there you have it. Being guilty of video game escapism myself, it’s not surprising that it has become a stigma to outsiders. Still, I feel like Lauren may have been holding back a bit to spare my delicate feelings. I decided to reach out to my sister, Sara, as well for her thoughts. Here’s what she had to say:

“I have fond memories of playing video games as a child with my little brother. We would build forts around the TV and play Nintendo for countless hours. As an adult, those fond thoughts about video games have faded. This is largely based on the adult men I have met, mainly in the romantic sense, and how video games ended up affecting our relationship. I happen to view video games as quite the time waster. In my experience of knowing people who game, it seems to have become no different than a drug- something to numb out to; something to lose yourself in and forget reality. And then, you have the newer world of live streaming where you can play video games while people watch you! I've never seen a more ridiculous concept. I personally can't imagine anything more mind-numbing than getting online specifically to watch someone else play a video game. This is something I've struggled with since my very own fiancé happens to be an avid live streamer and marathon gamer. I've had to come to peace with his hobby and realize that the biggest reason that I don't like it is simply a difference in preference. While I will prioritize 5 hours a night sitting on my patio and drinking wine to relax and forget the day, my fiancé may choose to sit in front of a TV or computer screen.”

Whew. A somewhat scathing perspective on the subject. It seems like, despite some prejudice, the general consensus is "different strokes, amirite?" I think it boils down to the fact that gaming is unquestionably a male-dominated hobby, and while video games can offer connectivity via online play, they also have the ability to be incredibly isolating and potentially destructive. Most men I know that play video games lead generally healthy lives, but I know that as men we have the capacity to take things to extremes. As with anything else in life, moderation is key. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to Overwatch. It’s friggin' amazing.