You live on this earth long enough I can guarantee you at least three things will happen: you will hurt someone, someone will hurt you and you (as well as the person(s) you've hurt and have hurt you) will die. Do you want to die without forgiving everyone who hurt you (or that one specific person that you just can't seem to forgive no matter how hard you try)? It sounds simple I'm sure, but forgiving people is probably one of the hardest things for humans to do. We let pride, anger and even pity take over our hearts and eventually our minds, which makes it nearly impossible to want to forgive. Well you don't have to want to, and the person doesn't even have to deserve it. You need to forgive that person or persons before you leave this earth, because you deserve to be free, truly free while you're here. So, here are five different methods of forgiving and dealing with people who have hurt you, (in any way shape or form, whether directly or indirectly) even if they could not care less if you forgive them and live free or continue to live as a prisoner to what they've done to you.

1. Write them a letter

I was molested by an older first cousin. I recently finally accepted this and was able to share it with my entire family as well as confront him about it. However, before that I think I had already forgiven him. I found an old letter I wrote sometime in middle school. It was all wrinkled and written with pink crayon, but I was able to articulate even then how I felt about him and what he had done to me. I was able to release all the fear, guilt and anger I had in that letter. Ironically, before I found the letter, I wrote another one and it was full of hate and anger. I didn't feel better directly after I wrote it, but today I feel much lighter. Even looking back and reading it allows me to see how far I've come. And who knows, maybe one day I can send my letters to my cousin. Either way it was a way for me to release my anger and open my heart to forgive even him.

2. Talk to God about it

This one may not be everyone's favorite but I think you all should consider it. When I dealt with the molestation alone, before I had told anyone, I would talk to God about it. I asked him if he thought I should just forgive my cousin and move on with my life, never saying anything to anyone. I found out he wanted me to find peace before anything else. I understood that walking on eggshells and swallowing back tears to keep my family together and to not disrupt my cousin's life was, for lack of a better word, stupid. God did not put us on this earth to suffer and especially not to suffer in silence. Jesus knows all pain and suffering so we don't have to. I'm not saying life is supposed to be perfect, I'm saying if you trust God, you're supposed to make it through. So I asked God to help me understand what happened to me, understand the people who hurt me in their refusal to acknowledge it, and understand that my cousin is human too and when Jesus died he died for him as well as me. I think I've always been forgiving towards him, but that didn't mean I wasn't still hurting, angry and confused. Once I dealt with those other emotions I could see God had and still is moving my heart to forgive those who have wronged me.

3. Don't Force It

The moment I told my family I was molested they immediately asked if I was ready to forgive and to this day ONLY speak about forgiving as if I wasn't molested - a physical, emotional and psychology damaging form of abuse that can literally destroy you (if you allow it). I had just gotten the courage to tell them our family wasn't that great, that a pedophile shared our blood, and they only wanted to make sure I forgave him and let it go (which do not equate to the same things). The truth is yes as a follower of Christ I am to be like him and forgive my brother no matter how many times he may wrong me (Matthew 18:22). However, as a follower of Christ I am also imperfect and cannot forgive someone immediately after they slap me. I mean come on, you're still in shock, your face stings and your hands instantly curl into fists to hurt the person who's hurt you. Because of this, I lean on Him to move me to forgive. As a follower of Christ I should forgive with my whole heart, when I'm prepared to do so. Not with hatred still in my heart and anger that hasn't had time to settle. There's a time for grieving and there's is a time for joy (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8). Allow yourself the time you need to accept your pain, but don't let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26).

4. Put yourself in their shoes

This one is a little tricky and I know it's already making some of you angry. "Put myself in her shoes?! For what!! She hurt me!"

And in my case it's downright impossible to understand why someone would want to sexually abuse anyone, especially a child, but I tried to understand my cousin anyway. And I felt even more disgusted with him, but I was able to try to understand his fear now and even his stupidity then. What he did will always be wrong and he deserves every unhappy thing that has come or is coming his way for it, but the God in me pitied him. So I was able to stop hating him long enough to think about forgiveness. You may never truly understand why someone hurt you, especially someone who told you they loved you or is family, but the important thing is that you try. You might see the situation and the person in a different light.

5. Communicate directly with the person

Direct communication is one the best ways to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. When you have a fight with your partner or siblings you eventually come together and discuss it. You tell them what point you were trying to get across, you listen to theirs, and in a perfect world, you agree somewhere in the middle or at least walk away understanding each other a lot better. If you can and if you feel safe in doing so, (and the other party has agreed) meet with the person who hurt you. Explain to them how they hurt you. Ask them why they did what they did to you. Listen to them. You don't have to agree, just listen. You may walk away feeling exactly the same (or worse), but either way your mind can no longer play tricks on you. You can't assume what the other person's intentions were or are, and you can't put words in their mouth. You have to accept exactly how they feel because it came straight from their mouth, and then you decide what to do with it. I hope it leads to you opening your heart to forgive them.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget about it, never bring it up again, or even invite the person who hurt or wronged you to your wedding. It means you are freeing yourself of a hurt that had nothing to do with you. You get to be free. If you want you can try to have a relationship with the person who hurt you or you can never speak to them again. The important thing is that you are no longer emotionally chained to them with unforgiveness.

I pray you find peace.