If I could tell my younger self a million and one times to drop the ball on the expectations I had going into college, I would in a heartbeat. Expectations can sometimes be our biggest enemies in life because more often than not, they do us a huge disservice. When things don't go as planned, at the time it may seem like everything is falling apart, and because of those expectations being squashed in the process, you start to feel like you're doing it wrong. Well, I am here to tell you that you're not. When things go off plan, it's probably because it wasn't your plan in the first place. I would tell you to trust the process, but I know from experience that's way easier said than understood. So instead, I will tell you to trust yourself. You will get to where you need to be, your own way, and that's okay.
I remember my "going into college" expectations every single day of my senior year life. They no longer serve me as the burdens they used to but as reminders. I was going to be the girl that joined the best sorority, that made more friends then I could count, that thrived in the social atmosphere, who went to every class and enjoyed them, the girl who moved on from her hometown.
Well, as you can already tell by the context of this article, those didn't exactly happen, at least not in the way and order I expected them to. I started FSU during summer C of 2016. I thought I had done all the right steps. I lived in a dorm, I spent time getting to know my campus when I wasn't in class, I went out to all the "cool" parties I was told about, and I signed up to be a part of Greek Life.
My freshman self was definitely the most excited about joining Greek Life, I mean that's really the most common thing you hear about before coming into college. However, at the time I wasn't looking for the sorority whose philanthropy spoke to me best or whose conversations reminded me of home. I was looking for the sorority with the prettiest girls, who had the cutest house, who were talked about as being the best from the regular campus chatter.
When fall semester rolled around, I had picked out all my rush outfits, talked to everyone I knew about which houses to go and which to avoid, and thought I was ready to embark on the crazy process of rushing. Come to find out, my payment information was never submitted, and it was past the deadline to fix the problem; so, I wasn't rushing. Boy, was I devastated. Now what was I supposed to do? All of my friends were rushing, and I knew that the second they joined sororities, their next chapters would start and mine- well, mine would just stay the same.
It was my worst nightmare… and so it happened.
All my friends joined Greek Life; they participated in all the events, posted all the pictures, made all the new friends, and seemed more alive than ever. And there I was, still talking to the same people I knew from high school or summer C, asking to make plans with friends for the night who couldn't hang out because of the many different Greek Life social events, and trying to find my way without the crutch of a sorority to lean on. My life at that time felt very mundane. My classes weren't as fun as I anticipated because I had no friends from a sorority to sit next to or to walk to and from class with. I wasn't being invited to as many things anymore because my friends had made new friends, or the social events they had were exclusive to Greek Life members only.
College was now everything it wasn't supposed to be. For the next year or so, I felt more feelings of loneliness than I ever had before; I went to places I never thought I could pick myself back up from. However, what I realized about myself amid that loneliness was that I was perfectly capable of changing my experience and making the most of it in my own way. I spent so much time bent on the fact that without Greek Life I wouldn't be happy, but there was so much more out there for me. I started talking more to the people I would have never expected being friends with in class, I started smiling at familiar faces around campus, I started to reach out to people to study with, instead of party with, and most importantly I was opening up my mind in more ways then I could have expected.
As a current senior, I am so glad that the younger, in-experienced, and small-minded version of myself didn't end up rushing. I learned that my happiness relies on what's within, not others or my situation. My experience was different, different then I wanted it to be, imagined it to be, and prayed it would be. However, it turned out exactly how it was supposed to be and for that, I am forever grateful.
So take it from me, don't beat yourself up about the what-ifs, your life is a unique experience personally written to suit the path that is best for you. Believe that.
