The difference between cockiness and confidence can seem like a fuzzy line sometimes. Maybe you have a friend who is very sure of herself and you’re not sure if she has a lot of self-confidence or an over-inflated ego. Or maybe you are wondering if thinking that you’re awesome is arrogant or confident. I’ve dealt with both of these and I really wanted to understand the difference. So I thought about it for a few weeks and then researched it and I’ve come up with nine ways to be confident without being cocky.
1. Be mindful of others
Listen and pay attention to other’s opinions in conversations. Be sincerely interested in other’s well-being. Find ways to serve others and make them feel included and valued. Go out of your way to make somebody’s day. Notice the good things in people and let them know.
2. Know your own strengths and talents and seek to improve them
Confidence is all about knowing your own abilities. So notice things you’re good at but continue to improve yourself. Try to work on something you’re not good at so your weakness can become a strength.
3. Be honest
Don’t lie or exaggerate to make yourself look better. And don’t fake sincerity or humility to make you look like a saint. Be honest about who you are and what you care about. Be truly sincere and real in everything you do and say. There’s no need for a façade or an act. Be comfortable being you and let people see the real you. Opening yourself up to vulnerability shows you are confident with yourself and who you are, flaws and all.
4. Be okay with admitting when you’re wrong or at fault
Being wrong is okay. Everybody messes up on occasion. Be confident with your knowledge and choices but if you are wrong or make a mistake, admit it and apologize. Don’t pass the buck, rationalize, or blow it off. Acknowledge the mistake, apologize, and make appropriate reparations if necessary.
5.Avoid boasting or comparing yourself to others
Those who are confident in themselves and like themselves the way they are have no need to boast. Those who excessively boast are often insecure and need to validate themselves. Don’t get caught up in who is better than who. Be confident in yourself and your abilities without putting others below you on a scale of good, better, best.
6. Be happy for others’ successes
Be concerned for others welfare and be happy when they succeed, even if they succeed more that you currently are. Recognize their talents and abilities and sincerely rejoice when those you care about get ahead because of their merits. There will always be people better than you, but that doesn’t mean you have to depreciate or devalue your own skills. You can still be confident while wishing well for others.
7. Ask for help when you need it
You don’t know everything. Nobody does. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Nobody expects you to be perfect or have infinite knowledge, so don’t try to pretend you do. Asking for help often takes confidence and bravery.
8. Be willing to learn and to be taught
Similar to the previous point, nobody expects you to know everything so don’t pretend you do. Being teachable is one of the number one traits of humility (confidence and humility can absolutely exist at the same time). Being willing to learn shows that you recognize 3 things: you don’t know everything, someone else knows more than you, and you’re confident you can learn something new from another person.
9. Don’t be concerned with how others think of you
A confident person is sure of himself and doesn’t care what others think of him. A cocky person believes he is better than everyone else and wants to assert that belief on others any chance he can. So don’t place too much value on what others think of you. If you are confident in yourself, it won’t matter if others think you’re a greek god or an outcast.
Confidence is found within. Cocky people have confidence too, but it is fueled by others. They assert their dominance on others and find their confidence by putting other people below themselves. True confidence is being happy with yourself: your strengths and weaknesses, your talents and flaws, all of you. Your interaction with others is centered on building others up, not tearing them down. So if you think your confidence is turning into cockiness, check this list and see if you need to be pulled off your high horse or if you’re on the right track.
