As I’m gearing up to officially start my second year at Washington and Lee, I can’t help but think back to how very differently I felt around this time last year. Flash back to just before I left home last August, and I was a nervous wreck. There were, admittedly, feelings of anticipation, but they were smothered by worry and stress and illogical fears. In fact, I cried every day for at least a week before I left because I was so unsure about my decision.
Then, I actually got here, and I was walking the red-bricked paths of a university 1,050 miles from my tiny East Texas hometown, feeling small and insignificant and a little out-of-place. Besides thinking the campus was difficult to navigate and the number of people (1,800 undergraduates) was overwhelming, the individuals themselves were intimidating: I was constantly surrounded by people who I felt were far more intelligent, well-traveled, exposed and educated than me.
Suffice it to say that it was a rough way to start, but thankfully, things didn’t stay that way for too long. It definitely took time, multiple self-pep talks and several lengthy phone calls with my parents, but I began to be more comfortable and sure of myself. More than that, I grew to actually love it here. Now I realize that it takes a maximum of maybe 12-15 minutes to walk from the farthest point of one side of campus to the other, and you honestly can’t go to a single class without passing at least 5 people you recognize from your dorm, your extracurriculars or your other classes. Don’t get me wrong, I still think (and know) that there are tons and tons of people here more intelligent, well-traveled, exposed and educated than me. The difference is that I’m not insecure about it anymore. I admire them, and I thoroughly enjoy hearing about and learning from their experiences – but I realize now that I’m just as worthy of being here and continuing to grow in my education as they are.
This year, I pulled away from my house experiencing multiple emotions, but none of last year’s anxiety. To be fair, my heart did still physically feel the sadness that I was leaving my sisters and the familiarity of home, but it was mixed with the excitement that I was soon to be surrounded by some of my closest friends in the world and returning to a place where I feel like I actually belong.
All of this is to say that if you’re a freshman (at W&L or otherwise), and you’re feeling like it’s taking you an unusual amount of time to adjust, you’re not alone. Chances are, there are lots of people feeling the same way as you. People are pretty good about putting on a brave face in front of others, but there’s a lot going on behind the scenes that you don’t realize. Be tough and be confident in yourself – you’re where you are for a reason. It may take a while, but in a year’s time, you’ll be amazed by how radically different you feel about yourself and your surroundings. Take it from someone who knows firsthand.
