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Dieting, As Explained By "Mean Girls"

You can't sit with us.

Dec 01, 2015

It’s about the time of year again. You’ve just returned to campus from a weekend filled with outlandish amounts of turkey, stuffing, and awkward questions from your extended family about your social life. You've eaten more than you ever imagined possible while studying for those pre-break exams and while you are slightly proud of your accomplishments, your jeans are starting to fit a little snugger.

It is a habitual occurrence that happens around the holidays. With the holidays come family, with family comes drinking and eating, and with drinking and eating comes having to wear sweatpants.

But never fear, you’re not alone in this quest for the ultimate spring break bod and here is dieting explained by "Mean Girls."

You wake up this morning and you know what day it is, D(iet)-Day.

Last night after binge eating an entire bag of Cheetos Puffs that it's probably time for a change.

For breakfast you trade in your strawberry Poptart for something a little less chemically altered and riddled with sugar.

You made it through your classes and only considered quitting 47 times, a new record.

You find yourself at the library starting some homework when suddenly your mind wanders.

You start to daydream of cream puffs and pizza

You push the fantasies away and try to continue with your Spanish actividades when suddenly you get tapped on your shoulder.

“Hello! We’re in the Green club at UMich. Would you like a free donut and to hear a little about the club?”

Suddenly you are set into an irrational blind rage about this free donut.

WHY TODAY OF ALL DAYS AM I BEING OFFERED A DONUT? TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS CHIPLOTE AND ONLY HAD 37 CENTS ON MY DEBIT CARD THERE WERE NO FREE DONUTS.

But you realize it’s just the hanger talking and you politely say no to the temptress and her Green club.

Packing up for the night you realize you made it almost 13 hours without consuming any junk food.

How good does a snack sound?

You've been hard at work all night while your friends we're all at Skeeps... Suddenly you're starting to convince yourself that you’ve earned a snack and Insomnia is on the way home...

Yes

YES!

Well there is always tomorrow..

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Dieting, As Explained By "Mean Girls"

You can't sit with us.

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We get it — we're frustrated with you, too.

1. When they go out of their way to help you.

2. When they are cleaning up a section of the store.

3. When they deal with your children being heathens.

4. When they listen intently to your coupon problems.

5. When they ask you about opening a credit card or rewards card.

6. When you have to wait to get an item number or to talk to a manager.

It's not always fun being fun-sized!

1. Not wearing makeup is like stepping in a time machine

2. "Wow, how tall are you?!"

3. You don't realize how much you're craning your neck until you talk to someone as short as you.

4. Hugging your friends is just asking for a face full of boob for you and makeup on their shirt for them. Awkward.

5. You face retail discrimination

Details the INFJ may not have wanted to let you know about.

1. Their moral compass is the strongest bone in their bodies

2. They like getting a mild cold

3. They can only make one new friend at a time

4. They can only be leaders if they're experts on the topic

5. You know what too nice means: Fake

6. Their creativity comes out in strange bouts

7. They like heavily emotional stories

8. They experience a different kind of tired

9. Structure and routine is the name of the game

10. They are sensitive little creatures

11. They love to love

12. Yup, they’re the mom of the friend group

It's a daily struggle to make it on time, but everyone has those days where they just...don't.

1. "Oh, crap..."

2. "Is it worth it?"

3. "Why is this room so cold?"

4. "Does this professor grade attendance?"

5. "Can I wear my pajamas to class?"

6. "Do I have time to brush my teeth?"

6. "Shoot, I didn't finish my homework..."

7. "What's the weather supposed to be today?"

8. "Will the bus be on time?"

9. "How can I enter the room in the least obtrusive way possible?"

10. "WHY didn't anyone leave a seat on the end in case someone came late?!"

11. "Does this professor hate me now?"

12. "I'll be early next class..."

Getting hung up on is my super power.

1. The first call is the hardest

2. Getting hung up on before you say something

3. People don't live forever

4. It's exhausting

5. Getting hung up on the second you say where you're calling from

6. People will say anything to get you off the phone

7. Voicemails are weird

8. No one cleans out their mailbox

9. Pronouncing names correctly can be hard

10. People are mean

11. Some calls make it worth it

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