Dieting, As Explained By "Mean Girls" | The Odyssey Online
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Health and Wellness

Dieting, As Explained By "Mean Girls"

You can't sit with us.

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Dieting, As Explained By "Mean Girls"

It’s about the time of year again. You’ve just returned to campus from a weekend filled with outlandish amounts of turkey, stuffing, and awkward questions from your extended family about your social life. You've eaten more than you ever imagined possible while studying for those pre-break exams and while you are slightly proud of your accomplishments, your jeans are starting to fit a little snugger.

It is a habitual occurrence that happens around the holidays. With the holidays come family, with family comes drinking and eating, and with drinking and eating comes having to wear sweatpants.

But never fear, you’re not alone in this quest for the ultimate spring break bod and here is dieting explained by "Mean Girls."

You wake up this morning and you know what day it is, D(iet)-Day.

Last night after binge eating an entire bag of Cheetos Puffs that it's probably time for a change.

For breakfast you trade in your strawberry Poptart for something a little less chemically altered and riddled with sugar.

You made it through your classes and only considered quitting 47 times, a new record.

You find yourself at the library starting some homework when suddenly your mind wanders.

You start to daydream of cream puffs and pizza

You push the fantasies away and try to continue with your Spanish actividades when suddenly you get tapped on your shoulder.


“Hello! We’re in the Green club at UMich. Would you like a free donut and to hear a little about the club?”

Suddenly you are set into an irrational blind rage about this free donut.

WHY TODAY OF ALL DAYS AM I BEING OFFERED A DONUT? TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS CHIPLOTE AND ONLY HAD 37 CENTS ON MY DEBIT CARD THERE WERE NO FREE DONUTS.

But you realize it’s just the hanger talking and you politely say no to the temptress and her Green club.


Packing up for the night you realize you made it almost 13 hours without consuming any junk food.

How good does a snack sound?

You've been hard at work all night while your friends we're all at Skeeps... Suddenly you're starting to convince yourself that you’ve earned a snack and Insomnia is on the way home...

Yes

No

YES!


Well there is always tomorrow..

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