Have you ever sat down and really thought about who you are as a person? Each individual has traits and qualities that make them different from everyone else. That is why we are unique. Have you ever wondered what the reasons are behind the choices you make? The other day I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend. We were sitting eating ice cream having a good life conversation and he started mentioning some of the things that have molded him into who he is. I started to notice a theme as he mentioned he knew he “didn’t want to be this,” or “didn’t want to be like that.” It really caught my attention. I began to think of some of my own characteristics. It made me realize that sometimes it’s the things that you don’t want to be like in life that develop you into who you are. I am going to share some of my examples with you. Hopefully by the end, I have encouraged you to think deeply about who you are and why.

Growing up, I always admired people around me. I seemed to focus on role models and adults actions. How did they handle certain situations? When I was going to have the opportunity to be in their position, how would I act? At a young age, I witnessed a group of high school students have to stand in front of a 5th grade class and share the consequences of drinking. They were DARE “role models.” Role models that chose to go out to a party and get drunk, running from cops and getting caught. It was embarrassing for them. I knew at that moment, I didn’t want to be like them. If I was going to be someone that I wanted other people to look up to, I needed to be accountable for the choices that I make and those choices needed to be sound. Later in my life, as a high school student, I kept my eyes on college students and what they were doing. I saw girls lose control of themselves on the weekends. Acting in ways that you never thought they would. I experienced the sorrow feeling my cousin had to go through as one of his best friends passed away on his 21st birthday from the effects of alcohol. I didn’t want to go through this in my life. I didn’t want to risk the chance of not knowing who I was or the decisions I was making. I didn’t want to let a drink have the potential to change my life forever. Seeing who I didn’t want to be had a big impact on who I became.

A second example has to deal with work ethic. In life, you see people who have a strong work ethic and are self-motivated and those who are not. I didn’t want to be that person who one day would sit and look back and say that I could have done more. I didn’t want to sit on the bench during a sport. I didn’t want to limit my future by staying comfortable in life. I realized by not wanting those things that I was going to have to do something about it. I would have to work harder than any other person on the team. I would need to get uncomfortable if I was ever going to push myself forward. Another thing I didn’t want was to be unhappy. We all know those people that even if something amazing happens, they find a way to make it seem bad. I didn’t want to walk around complaining about life. Yes, we are on a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but I was not going to be the person who lives in the valleys. I didn’t want to be the person who didn’t give a care in the world. I could continue on with so many things of who I didn’t want to be. It is a different approach in realizing who you are. It seems to be extremely accurate though. This may seem silly to you, but if you have ever been in the situation where you were unsure of what you wanted to eat, you have probably thought through the same process. When you are trying to decide what you want to eat and people start making suggestions, typically you are quicker to answer no to the things you don’t want than you are to answer yes.

If you realize who you don’t want to be or what you don’t want to do, you in turn find out what you do want. Now ask yourself, am I me because of who I didn’t want to be?