First, I would like to thank Jenna Garrison for being a mentor, a role model, and a huge support system as I grew in my faith walk. Second, I would like to thank Amanda Riley, for getting me started on this crazy and wonderful journey. I could not have made it this far without you. Third, thank you Athletes Intervarsity for allowing me to become closer to God and meet some pretty awesome people along the way. This is the story of my faith walk, getting closer to God when I least expected it.

It was a Sunday night. Miraculously, I had managed to complete all of my assignments due the next day and was scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, figuring out, rather quickly, that everyone had a much better Saturday night than I had. I spent mine alone, in my room, binge watching whatever Netflix series that I was on, ignoring the texts from my friends to come out, and ignoring my teammates text to drive them to another party. This was my first semester at a different school than my sister, and I was not adjusting well. I felt alone and lost. The situation I found myself in wasn’t the brightest either, surrounded by people that I just couldn’t seem to get along with. I spent half of my day loving every second, and the other half sad, alone, and insecure. In a room full of people I didn’t think it was possible to feel alone, but I had managed to accomplish it. This back and forth was mentally and emotionally exhausting.

I got a text that Sunday night from my teammate, Amanda. Her text read,

Hey Kae, can you do me a favor? There’s a bible study at a soccer girl’s house tonight and I was wondering if you could give me a ride?

My first thought was, I have nothing better to do, I could drop her of and then go pick her up, no problem. But then I had a second thought. What if I went? I went to church growing up. I know about Jesus feeding 5000 people, David killed Goliath with some stone, Lent, Easter, and Christmas. How bad could it be? I responded,

I’ll do you one better, I’ll go with you if that’s okay.

She answered,

Absolutely! Pick me up at my dorm at 6! :)

And so we went. What I didn’t realize, as cheesy as it sounds, my life would change forever after that night.

That night we read Matthew 4: 1-20. We sat in the living room, all six of us, in a circle. I was so nervous. The only person I knew was Amanda. And there was food in front of me, so I ate to try and hide how anxious I was to be in a room full of people talking about a faith in God that I knew I didn’t have at the time. I still have the study sheet. I carry it with me all the time. This story is a parable about a farmer who was scattering seeds on different types of soil. The soil is representative of different kinds of people and the seed is representative of the word of God. Jenna was leading bible study that night. For some reason, I was hanging on to every word, whether she said it, or someone else did. I just sat there and listened, getting drawn in by every word, from the text, or from the discussion. I was hooked on every word, because somehow, it related to what I was feeling, what I was thinking, and what had been laying heavy on my heart in those past couple of months. I needed this in my life. It felt like a release, something positive, something to put my faith in, and something to give me hope. I knew I needed something like this, but I most definitely didn’t think Jesus was the answer, but I guess he was.

That same night I went home and called my mom. That same week, I had her overnight ship her bible to me, the King James Version, which is practically written in another language, but I managed. I went to bible study every week, no matter how big the pile of assignments was that I had due the next day. I needed that hour. It was a great way for me to flush out all of the “bad” of the week before, and believe me, some weeks, there was a lot. But it was also a good way for me to fill up on love, faith, and hope for the next week. Every week I took the handout with the bible verse that was given to us and taped it on my wall. I saw it every morning when I woke up. It was a reminder about all of the good and positivity that God had brought into my life.

About a month went by before I started to notice what was going on. I was no longer as alone as I thought I was. I was nicer, I was kinder, and I started thinking about why I was doing things in a new and different way. I wasn’t alone, even when I was. I had someone that I could talk to, ask questions to, and even sometimes get some answers from. I loved it. I loved being able to turn to God and let down all of the walls that I had built up from some of the dumb decisions that I had made, as most college students have. God was walking with me, guiding me, making hope possible in times when I didn’t think I really had any. I started reading the bible daily and asking Jenna questions on questions on questions about why certain things happened, and what they meant, and what I was supposed to do next.

I wanted everyone to have the opportunity to encounter Jesus the way that I had. So that’s exactly what I did. Jenna let me take on more of a leadership position with Athletes Intervarsity and I could not have been more excited for this chance. There was a verse that she would always reference. It’s about Jesus gathering his disciples. Matthew 4: 19. “Come follow me, Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” I met with her on a weekly basis, talking about me growing in my faith, how to share it with other people, and how to become a better leader of people. Even when part of my day was surrounded by fear, uncertainty, and a lack of enjoyment, my faith and trust in God grew stronger every day, and made those days just a little bit more tolerable.

The people that I met through my faith walk are absolutely incredible. They are kind, supportive, loving, and caring people. We don’t even go to the same school anymore and I hear from them often. These were the people that I needed to surround myself with, ones who could bare my burdens as I could theirs. These people allowed me to be my crazy, dorky, awkward, annoying self. God brought me to these people. God showed me the way to these people. I am 100% sure of that fact.

These are the people that allowed me to grow in confidence when it came to my faith. One of the girls I met through Athletes Intervaristy, Tyese, we called her Ty; she was an absolute blessing. Jenna would often have us walk around campus and talk to people about Athletes Intervarsity and see if they expressed any interest in coming to a bible study. I was always nervous. Faith isn’t exactly everyday conversation. But we would pray about it, and pray that God would provide us with the words to express how awesome he is and how great of an experience this club was. It sure worked for Ty. She was so confident in Jesus love for her and her love for him that she could, and would, have a conversation about it to anyone who would listen. If she was that confident in her faith, I could be too.

But sadly, my heart was in a different place. My heart was with my sister. My heart was closer to home. My heart was in a place where people who treated me like a friend even when I was a complete stranger to them surrounded me. But leaving all of the wonderful people that I had met through Athletes Intervarsity was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I prayed about it all the time. I couldn’t imagine leaving. I couldn’t believe that God would have brought me down a path that allowed me to encounter him and grow my faith in him, and then steer me another direction. It was so confusing, but I was unhappy. I didn’t think God would want that for me. But I made that choice and I thank God every day for giving me the strength to do it. But I also owe a thank you to so many other incredible people. Thank you Jenna, Amanda, Jill, Katie, Allie, Tyese, Matt, Julie, Demi, Kate, Mckinzee, and anyone else who helped me grow in my faith. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words and kindness towards me mean more to me than you will ever know.

So where has my faith walk taken me? It has gotten me to a new place with new faces and a fresh opportunity to be a better person, not a new person, just an even better version of myself. It has led me to a place where I am truly happy, one where the good days surely outweigh the bad, and even the bad days aren’t terribly awful. My trust in God and his plan would not have taken the path it did without some incredible people, and I thank God everyday for bringing those people and his light into this whirlwind I call my life. Thank you God. All glory goes up to you.