As I pick up the book “She Said Yes” by Misty Bernall, I begin to read how Cassie's parents had mixed feelings regarding the arrival of their baby girl. Being young, and having not known each other for very long, they weren't sure if they were ready for a child. When Cassie was born, however, she captured their hearts. Reading more, I get a glimpse into their family dynamic; specifically, the relationship Cassie had with her father. For the most part, their relationship was relatively normal. He took her for bike rides and bought her things (such as a duckling she loved dearly).
But, as the book progresses, the tone changes drastically. Misty begins to discuss the dark things their daughter was into at the time. Cassie was going through a rebellious phase, and a large part of this was a desire to listen to heavy metal music and wear black nail polish. Although this isn’t particularly bad, alarming events occurred in Cassie’s life.
According to the book, Cassie often socialized with individuals who engaged in picquerism and sacrificed animals to Satan. Of course, this would alarm any parent and become valid means for intervention to disintegrate any, and all, toxic relationships. In fact, Cassie’s association and relationship with these individuals was proved to be problematic. Per the book, one of the kids Cassie hung out with, Mona, and Mona’s mom, tried to take Cassie out of the city—essentially a kidnapping. Personally, I questioned whether this was true. But, according to the Bernall family, they packed up, moved and enrolled their children in a different school. This brings up so many questions, however. Why didn't the Bernall family go to the police and get them involved sooner? If these other children were doing these things, why weren't their parents made aware or alarmed? Wouldn’t any parent be alarmed if their child was engaging in practices such as drinking blood?
The cavalier attitude these parents are portrayed to have toward their children makes me question the validity of these dark claims. Although I believe youthful rebellion and curiosity is a very natural part of growing up, practicing violent sexual acts and hurting small animals isn’t. In fact, hurting or killing small animals is the first step to becoming a serial killer. So, I desperately wonder why the parents of “Mona” and “Mike” weren't worried, too. Either the book downplays a lot of things (like other worrisome parents), or the children never engaged in these types of rituals.
Despite all the drama, Cassie still wanted to be with her old friends. She was planning to see Marilyn Manson live with them in the nearby city of Denver. The letter, which the deceased girl's parents found in her bedroom, was intercepted before this could take place. However, this began a chain of events, which would later lead to her death.
Wanting Cassie to have a different kind of environment, they sent her to a school that taught students religious lessons. She made a friend there, and this person eventually brought her to church and helped her go down, what she believed was, a better path in life. This was quite a relief for Cassie’s parents, and I can understand why.
The death of Cassie Bernall was a very tragic thing. I took issue with this book because of the bloodshed and trauma that was perpetrated upon people that day. The book states that Cassie was hiding from the gunmen in the library with her schoolmate, Bree. Unlike Cassie, Bree made it out of the library physically unharmed. A shaken Bree gave the nation a view into the last moments of Cassie's life during a live news coverage of the events in Colorado. You can view it here.
Through broken sobs and gasps Bree simply says, “I told them not to shoot me, they shot the girl next to me.” According to www.acolumbinesite.com, it was confirmed later in court that Eric Harris made the decision to end Cassie's life, but not before consulting his friend Dylan. They believed that they’d destroy the school and no one would live, so it didn't really matter.
When the tapes were recovered from the crime scene, an exchange between Eric Harris and a female student was found. Not only that, but some of the students were engaged in prayer, and Eric Harris even walked up to a student and asked if they believed in God; one of the girls responded with yes. However, there’s been some debate over who said what on the tape. Whose voice was it that answered? Bree and Cassie were close together and praying for safety, but the book states with certainty that it was Cassie who answered the question. According to eye-witness testimony, Cassie was covering her ears and praying as Eric knelt beside her smugly and said “peekaboo.” He pulled the trigger angled directly at her head, and the force of this caused her to fall backward before dying. But, the shotgun recoiled, breaking Eric’s nose and leaving a small puddle of his blood in that spot. The forensic specialists told us this was the case because the bullet from Harris’ gun took Cassie’s fingers and part of her skull.
Per www.acolumbinesite.com, after taking Cassie’s life and many others, Eric and Dylan realized that the SWAT team would probably be closing in on them and most of those who had been evacuated. Bernall’s murderer, Eric, saw no other way out, so he propped himself up against a bookshelf and shot himself in the head. The force killed him instantly; 95 percent of his brain was destroyed along the interior of his skull, including his mouth and eye sockets.
While my heart breaks for this girl, I can't imagine how terrified she must've been. I'd like to point out, that no matter what, it's obvious that she believed in God; she sought comfort in prayer in her final moments. The book makes her seem like a saint when she turns her life around, and I'm incredibly glad that she found comfort and happiness in something. But, no one is perfect regardless of beliefs. I don't think turning this child into a Christian martyr is fair to her. She needs to be remembered for other things. For instance, she loved animals and wanted to be a doctor. From the pictures, we see a girl with a beautiful smile. She's not a saint, she's not the poster child for ideology. Cassie, just like Eric, the person who took her life, matters to someone.
Dylan Klebold's mother said that he wrote a note addressed to her and left it in his room. According to Sue Klebold it said, “Mom don't worry about me I'm going to a better place.” This suggests that Dylan also had some belief in a God or an afterlife. It’s important to note that he went to church shortly before his death, and we can't be sure of what he was thinking.
I've stated before that I believe Dylan and Eric were mentally ill. But, I believe that everyone can be good at heart; anyone can change their life around. Cassie changed her life around right before she died. It's beautiful, but it doesn't mean that she, or anyone else, is privileged to be alive without hardship. Death isn’t a punishment. It’s not some type of thing we should fear. It's something that's a part of life. Whatever comes after it, well, we must make peace.
One thing I can say is that I'm proud of Cassie, or the person she was becoming. Personal growth is a difficult thing because we must admit we’re flawed. You shouldn’t canonize this person for something that may or may not have happened. You should honor them for the person you know they were. Spirituality isn’t a controlling force, nor is it threatening. It’s rather a source of comfort for love and hope. I hope Cassie is happy and at peace now.
Cassie might have been a Christian trying to find inner uniqueness, but her death was never about the clothes she wore, the music she was into or perceived lack of morals regarding the people who took her life. Wherever she may be right now, I hope she's happy. While we can pray for her and her assailants, I hope we remember these people for who they were on the inside as well as who they could’ve become.
