A year ago, I sat in your grandfather’s truck with you after a week of trying to figure out where our relationship was going. That's where you severed my heart in two. You told me that we were not right for each other. We did not belong together. I sat there in that Ford F150 sobbing and wondering why I was not good enough for you.
But I knew from the beginning of our year-long commitment that you did not want a future with me.
You said you did, but I believe you spoke those candy coated lies to fancy my ears and heart. You did not want kids. I did. You did not want to get married after college. I did. You would not even spare me the chance of talking about our future at 2 a.m. when the night was young and my heart was filled with hope—for us. For me. For you.
It was never going to work.
You spent our relationship worrying about your life—how to make yourself successful, not how to make us successful. We started out so strong. But slowly, you started un-stitching your heart from mine. One by one, you snapped the threads. The first thread, you stopped doing little things for me. The second thread, you stopped complimenting me. The third, you stopped standing up for me. Fourth, you stopped visiting me. By the fifth thread, I became expendable to you.
I don’t truly believe that you meant to do those things in the manner that you did. I believe that you were confused; lost. You want to please your parents. You want a good reputation. A good job. A good image. A good girl who your mom approves of. And that's okay.
I did not fit into your puzzle. I was a corner piece when you wanted me to be a three-sided piece. I was the wrong pattern and even the wrong texture. I did not fit what you needed to start your life.
But I’m okay with that now.
You set me free from the constant struggle of trying to bend to fit something I did not belong to. I was breaking and bending to become someone that you wanted me to be. You aren’t my puzzle to figure out anymore.
I found where my piece fits in. It’s a completely different puzzle filled with everything I have always wanted to be a part of but was too scared to try. I joined a sisterhood of women who love and support me. I cut my hair short. I danced because I wanted to. I wore what I wanted. I was finally free.
Because of this, I was able to find the man who I have always dreamed of having.
He takes care of me and he loves me unconditionally. We talk about our life together. And we talk about our dreams. Our dreams fit into each other’s dreams—our pieces interlock.
We are the same pattern. Same texture. He understands that I am a corner piece to our puzzle. He encourages me to embrace that too. He pushes me to do better, to be open to changing my life for the better. He shows me that I am a strong woman. He embraces who I am and what I'm capable of.
Now I can worry about my own future, without having to constantly try to fit into yours. I can think about how I want to live and who I want to be. I don’t have to worry about pleasing you or your family. I don’t have to constantly worry that I am not what you want.
I'm not writing this be spiteful. I am writing this to say 'thank you' for tearing my soul from my body in the name of selfishness.
You were a toxin to my well-being. And now I am free to be who I want to be. Who I am meant to be. And it's all thanks to your selfish desire to be free from me and my baggage.
Thank you for throwing me away when you realized I did not fit. Thank you for seeing that I was hurting myself by staying with you. Thank you for having the courage to destroy someone's sense of security to benefit them. You did not realize that your selfish act was in fact, selfless.
