October 21, 2016

2:08 am

You've been sending me messages. They are beautiful messages. Whenever you text me at 1am and the vibrations disrupt my sleep, I know that it's you sending me your love. I know when you ask me if I'm alone, it's just because you want to call me and see my face. You call me pretty. You call me cute nicknames. You call me yours.

It's all very flattering. But it's just not mutual. You call me to make sure hat I'm happy, but you actually make me sad. Every time you send me those messages of affection, I get sad because I wish I liked you just as much. I wish I liked you as much as you like me. I wish your messages actually meant something to me.

I hate to be the one to tell you that you deserve better than me, but who else would be better to tell you than me? I want to save you the endless hours of crying yourself to sleep. I want to save you from venting about me to your friends. I want to save you from asking yourself why couldn't I love you. I want to save you from doubting yourself. I want to save you from wondering why no one wants just because I still haven't grown as deep as feelings for you.

This hurts me too.

You might not believe me when I say this but I am hurt too. I wish we connected, we would be perfect. I wish we shared something special. I wish I could see you the same way you see me. I wish I didn't have to wish for this. I wish I could change.

You think the world would better or worse if we could change people to how we want them to be? If we could change them to love us, and only us. Wouldn't that be a sight to see? I think that would be a chaotic world.

Believe it or not, I would love to love you.

You are beautiful. You have a beautiful personality. You have a beautiful smile. You have a beautiful sense of humor. You have beautiful ways of showing your affection for me. You radiate beauty onto others.

"If I'm beautiful in so many ways, then why don't you want me", she asked.

I simply replied, "That beauty isn't meant for me".

However, I wonder if I'm just being too nice? Even if I felt any type of resentment about your pressing emotions and actions, I wouldn't call you out on it. I wouldn't want to make you feel any worse. But, now that I think about it, sometimes you annoy me. I'm only annoyed because I feel low and empty for leading you on.

This isn't who I am, and you know it. This is why we have to end. I'm sorry.