Who wants to know an obscure fact about me? Too bad, you're going to hear one. In addition to being an esoteric, comedy writer, I am also an archaeologist on my free time (as with everything I write...don't question it). I only bring this up because I have just stumbled upon The Holy Grail of Christian artifacts!
Well, a figurative Holy Grail. Not the real Holy Grail.
I can see how that would be confusing. Anywho...I have found the teenage diary of Jesus Christ! Here is an excerpt from it:
February 3
Dear Diary,
I can't believe that Peter didn't invite me to his birthday party! Even worse, he lied to me about it. I went up to him and asked him about it and he told me he wasn't having a party. Three times! I just don't get it. I am great at parties. I turn water into wine. I'm a walking keg!
Mags tried to comfort me about the whole thing, offered to wash my feet. That seems to be her go-to for every problem. "Mags, my mom and I got in a fight." "Let me wash your feet." It's kinda weird. I ditched her to hang out with Judas.
Judas is just a really cool guy. He gets me. I know that I could pretty much tell him anything and he wouldn't sell me out. He's just that kind of guy.
Anyways, it's getting sort of late, and I get cross in the mornings if I don't get enough sleep.
Sincerely,
JC
December 25
Dear Diary,
Well, it's my birthday. Yay me, I guess. I turned 16, which is pretty cool. I got a permit to ride a camel. You know, it's kind of weird that the year keeps counting up to the exact age I am. Like, why'd they choose the year I was born to be the Year Zero? Odd stuff.
Anyways, my stepdad got me the worst birthday present. It was just a saw. He wants me to be a carpenter just like him. That's fine, I guess. I don't know though. I've always wanted to go into a business where I can make a profit...
Hey, that gives me a crazy idea.
Peace out,
JC
January 15
Dear Diary,
My principal sucks. Mr. Pilate got mad and threw me out of school for "Derailing the conversation." Told me that I was lucky he wasn't giving me 40 lashes. All I did was get up and start preaching. Is that so bad? This town sucks. I'm gonna hit the road, I think.
Anyways, I'm thinking about growing a beard. I don't know, it might look a little silly. I'll keep it under consideration.
Catch you on the flip side,
JC
