Who wants to know an obscure fact about me? Too bad, you're going to hear one. In addition to being an esoteric, comedy writer, I am also an archaeologist on my free time (as with everything I write...don't question it). I only bring this up because I have just stumbled upon The Holy Grail of Christian artifacts!

Well, a figurative Holy Grail. Not the real Holy Grail.

I can see how that would be confusing. Anywho...I have found the teenage diary of Jesus Christ! Here is an excerpt from it:

February 3

Dear Diary,

I can't believe that Peter didn't invite me to his birthday party! Even worse, he lied to me about it. I went up to him and asked him about it and he told me he wasn't having a party. Three times! I just don't get it. I am great at parties. I turn water into wine. I'm a walking keg!

Mags tried to comfort me about the whole thing, offered to wash my feet. That seems to be her go-to for every problem. "Mags, my mom and I got in a fight." "Let me wash your feet." It's kinda weird. I ditched her to hang out with Judas.

Judas is just a really cool guy. He gets me. I know that I could pretty much tell him anything and he wouldn't sell me out. He's just that kind of guy.

Anyways, it's getting sort of late, and I get cross in the mornings if I don't get enough sleep.

Sincerely,

JC

December 25

Dear Diary,

Well, it's my birthday. Yay me, I guess. I turned 16, which is pretty cool. I got a permit to ride a camel. You know, it's kind of weird that the year keeps counting up to the exact age I am. Like, why'd they choose the year I was born to be the Year Zero? Odd stuff.

Anyways, my stepdad got me the worst birthday present. It was just a saw. He wants me to be a carpenter just like him. That's fine, I guess. I don't know though. I've always wanted to go into a business where I can make a profit...

Hey, that gives me a crazy idea.

Peace out,

JC

January 15

Dear Diary,

My principal sucks. Mr. Pilate got mad and threw me out of school for "Derailing the conversation." Told me that I was lucky he wasn't giving me 40 lashes. All I did was get up and start preaching. Is that so bad? This town sucks. I'm gonna hit the road, I think.

Anyways, I'm thinking about growing a beard. I don't know, it might look a little silly. I'll keep it under consideration.

Catch you on the flip side,

JC