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Dear Diary...

A letter to learning on loving yourself.

Alyssa Lynne

Feb 23, 2016

Seattle Pacific University

Google

Dear Diary...

Looking back to my 2015 diary, I noticed a page ripped out of the hinges; So I went on a search for that page. I had no idea what page I ripped out, and why I ripped this piece of paper out, but knowing me, I would not have thrown the piece out. Now, I know exactly why I ripped the piece out. Here's a little insight of my mind at that point.

"Today, I looked through the mirror while changing into my pajamas. The image of me standing in the mirror was not pretty in that moment. Only my pale skin, in nothing but a bra and panties, standing there, examining myself. I looked tired. Mentally and physically, you could see the emotion of my weary body. I was not pleased with my appearance, and I did not like how my hands looked so small against my stomach; although, I didn't mind how they looked at the same time. My image felt more different than normal. My image felt.. okay. After I got dressed though, I sat down in front of the mirror, wearing my sports bra and my shorts. I saw all the layers, all my fat, it bothered me so much. Then I took off my makeup. The tool that makes me appear beautiful. Half my face was showing, the other side was still covered. What a difference I thought. How different I could actually look with a little paint. In the end, with all my makeup off, I was somewhat pleased with my face. But I continued to stare, and the more I stared, the more ugly I got. All I could think at that moment was, I don't think I will ever become so confient and beautiful, not with all these gorgeous girls walking over me.

03.17.2015"

Now as I look back to that note, to that thin piece of paper from a book I once told all my secrets,I smile. I smile because it has been almost one exact year, and I have changed. I can look at myself in the mirror. I am proud of my image. Yes there may be scars onmy thighs, and rolls on my tummy, but, I live in this body. What I live in I will love. My face is beautiful, I just don't quite see it yet, but I am working on that. It takes me baby steps to love myself, but I have already accomplished so much.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ~ Steve Maraboli

02.22.2016

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Dear Diary...

A letter to learning on loving yourself.

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

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4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

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7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

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