Perhaps you’ve known the feeling: a word spoken carelessly, an action that wounded—all of them are so unpleasant. It’s in moments like these that we can find ourselves at a loss for words, trying to figure out the best, God-honoring way to respond. This happened to me a short time ago.
Upon reading the words on my screen, I felt my heart shatter. As I have a naturally sensitive spirit (a double-edged sword—great for my walk with Jesus, more of a challenge in daily life!), this aspect of my personality made the comments feel worse than they should have been.
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It was then that I realized I needed an unoffendable spirit. Not unoffendable in the sense that sin didn’t bother me or that I would turn a blind eye to it, but rather a spirit so tranquil and saturated with the assurance of Christ’s love, acceptance, and purpose for my life that even the worst personal offenses wouldn’t faze me. Wouldn’t it be great if we could cultivate a spirit where hardly anything could disrupt our souls, where we are truly filled with the “peace that surpasses all understanding”? (Phil. 4:7) I decided to turn to scripture to see what the Master could teach us about developing an unoffendable spirit. Here are the main concepts He showed me:
1. Make Christ your core focus.
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” -Colossians 3:2
There’s a reason why horses, when running races, often wear blinders to keep them from looking at anything else besides what’s in front of them. If something spooks them off of the track, they can be thrown into a panic and not finish the race. Worse, they could even distract other horses, and chaos could ensue. It is the same with Christ-followers. If we allow ourselves to become distracted by events we cannot control and take our eyes off of Christ in the midst of such, we’re missing the opportunity to focus our attention on what really matters—our being able to “run the race set before us” (Heb. 12:1) for the joy of the Lord. Let us stay grounded in Him and put on our own “spiritual blinders.”
2. Shroud your spirit in humility.
“For by the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”-Romans 12:3
Humility is often misunderstood as self-abasement when perhaps a better picture of what humility looks like may be found in the words of Tim Keller:
“I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less” (emphasis added).
If we truly root our identity in Christ as His beloved and redeemed, we think of ourselves less because we are already accepted in Him—the only One whose opinion matters. As a result, because we think of ourselves less often, we think less of what others think, say, or do to us. Humility is the shedding of self, the emptying of our self-importance and social self-preservation, to our life in Christ, which is hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).
3. Carefully examine what you are offended by.
“Aware that His disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, ‘Does this offend you?’”-John 6:61
This part is incredibly important. It is what we are personally offended by that leads us to find out why thus revealing the condition of our heart. What was it that wounded you? Was it the act in general, or what was being said or done specifically? Being able to discern what is causing our distress is helpful in bringing our hearts before the Lord as we prayerfully ask Him to reveal why we are experiencing the emotions we are. Perhaps it’s insecurity or a need for approval, or a response out of self-indignation. Whatever the reason is, when we come to the Lord with our offended hearts, we can trust Him to address it with His loving, careful eye. If it is a spiritual remark we are offended by, though, we must carefully examine it to see if what we are experiencing is conviction. However, if it is regarding scripture that is either ambiguous, speculative, or an area we are given freedom from the Lord to discern per our own individual conscience (see Col. 2:16-23, Rom. 14, 1 Cor. 10:23-33), we should gently remove ourselves from further discussion to preserve peace and avoid further discord (2 Tim. 2:23-24).
4. Respond with grace.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”-Ephesians 4:32
This is probably the most challenging one, but still very important if we are striving for an unoffendable spirit. If someone has offended us in some way, we must wholeheartedly show grace by forgiving them even if they do not ask for it or express remorse—which can be painful. However, we were given forgiveness we do not deserve (Rom. 5:8), and therefore should forgive others. When possible, we should seek peace and reconciliation (Rom. 12:18), but if it's not an option or they are unwilling, bless them and pray for them from afar—after all, Christ died for them too, and their Heavenly Father loves them just as much as He does you (Rom. 2:11). As a lovely quote reads: “Be the flower that gives its fragrance even to the hand that crushes it.” With a willing, loving heart, we should plead to our Father: “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” The more we forgive freely, lavishly, and with genuine love, the more naturally it will come to us as our hearts are transformed into gradual Christlikeness (2 Cor. 3:18).
In all things, let us remember the loving words of our Christ, and answer in the same manner as His servant Paul:
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
His grace is enough, brothers and sisters. His grace is enough.
