Dating: an idea that many southern Asian people fear due to the social stigma surrounding it in our communities.
Parents typically look down on it and aunts and uncles always have something say about it, but seriously, what is the big deal? What is so scary about wanting to learn about yourself and what your preferences are through a relationship before committing and settling down?
It is common for our elders to make labels based on language, caste, and/or religion, but it should not be a determining factor in a person’s character. This unfortunately still plays a big role in our society especially when it comes to marriage.
When you think about it, the concept of a typical arranged marriage is terrifying -- parents choose someone and expect their child to coexist with someone that they barely know. Of course, there are people who are okay with this -- that is their choice based on what they believe, so more power to them, but for those who believe in finding their own way, why force them into something they are not comfortable with?
Sure, in more recent times it has been more common for parents to choose someone and give their son or daughter a chance to get to know the person but in many cases, this person is not a good match for several reasons. They might be great at what they do and have an amazing personality but if there is no attraction or chemistry between two people, you cannot fabricate it.
Anyone who grew up in a desi household knows that a lot of who we are is hidden from our families due to the fear of being judged and ridiculed for being too “fast” or being to “modern” and westernized. If this is the case, how do our parents know what exactly is best for us?
I completely understand the fact that our elders want what is best for us in terms of happiness and success, but isn’t it only fair to take our thoughts into consideration?
If there is a genuine concern about a person’s significant other based on personality or quality of life, I think it is important to have that conversation rather than just being appalled at the idea that your children gained enough independence to experience the dating world.
There is nobody in the world that knows you better than yourself, so we should have some liberty to choose our “suitors” rather than having them being chosen for us.
Our community is filled with those who will always have opinions on other people’s kids and their upbringing, but who is ultimately living my life? I am…not some random aunt whose daughter is probably out there doing crazier things than I am. If we are constantly worried about what other people are thinking, how is that living? If our actions are not affecting other people, it is important for us to live and make mistakes to learn from, in order to have a successful household in the future.
