To all the guys who made me feel like shit,
It took me a long time to come to this conclusion.
You know why?
Because a small part of me has always been a pushover. A small part of me always wanted to play the martyr... which is why whenever something crappy happened, I would take half of the blame for it. Don't get me wrong, I know I am no saint. I know that I have flaws just like every other human being but what I don't appreciate is being made felt like the fault lies in me.
I am sorry that you are broken, so am I, but I can't fix you. And, you can't fix me. I know all our life we come across such movies and stories where people meet and fix each other, but that is not the truth. We can never fix another person because there is nothing to fix. Each of us is our own brand of crazy and yes, we all have some flaws. Don't like them? Then, change yourself. But, don't do it because someone else wants you to change it. The truth is, we can't fix each other. All of us are responsible for our own broken parts and happiness. All anyone can do for you is to stay with you and help you through it all, showing you they care and love you when you don't feel so lovable.
Until recently, I always kept wondering what is wrong with me. Why couldn't I find someone who would stay longer? And, then it suddenly hit me. The problem is that I accept too much, I understand too much. I am a person who would accept you as a whole, flaws, and strengths included. I am not going to change you because when you love someone, you love their darkest parts too. You know what my major problem is? It is that I won't nag you, ever. I would accept you with your quirks and your flaws, and I would love all of you, every single day. And people, well most people, don't want that. They want someone who would change them, who would push them to become a better version of themselves. They want someone to get rid of their dark parts and to mend everything that is broken inside of them.
Sorry.
But I won't do that. I won't mend your cracks because you are too afraid to do it yourself. All I will do is pour love in those cracks and support you to fix it yourself. And that's when I realized that this is not my problem. This has never been my fault. All of you leaving, because I didn't push you to change, is not my fault.
Because, if you are stupid enough to let go of a girl who would stand through it all with you, accepting you the way you are. Then, sweetheart, it is not my loss. It is yours. It will always be your loss. Because, no matter how hard you try, there is no prince or princess coming to save you. You are your own savior, and if you are waiting for someone to change you, then you have a long way to go.
Because love doesn't force you to change. It doesn't nag you or berate you. When someone really loves you, they just stay close and keep showering you with their love, and when this happens, a part of you automatically evolves, without even knowing.
And this is what I realized. I am good the way I am. I don't need to question myself every day or berate myself anymore. So, I am done wondering why you all couldn't stay because now, I know.
And this time, the answer is: actually, it isn't me, it's you.
Love,
The girl who realized her worth
