The thing about falling in love is that it can happen at any point in time—in a subway on your way home from work, in the middle of your workout session, even a doctor’s office. The point is when we fall, we fall hard. Sometimes we may think we’re in love, but the truth is that we’ve become so attached to the idea of love that we misinterpret it.

Of course, there are those lucky couples who are everyone’s #RelationshipGoals. I applaud them because it can be very difficult to find that person you want to share your memories and life stories with.

A couple things to remember about the definition of love is that there is no set definition—meaning there are different interpretations of love, which makes them not universal. When I think about the word love, I think of hearts, flowers and maybe even chocolate. However, real love is more than just material comforts. Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re looking for that special person:

Love is Trust

Not being able to trust someone is reason enough to stay out of their way, but if you’re not able to trust your significant other or rely on them with the simplicities in your relationships, you probably need to talk to them and find a common ground before things get too serious. Either that or kindly let them go because you don’t need an untrustworthy person as your companion.

Love is Passion

This one is an obvious point. Although most people think of this as physical attraction and arousal, passion doesn’t necessarily have to be physical. It can also be a cognitive and emotional component to a relationship. There’s something more intimate about loving and being loved in return than passionate lust. Finding an equal, healthy balance between physical and emotional passion can be hard to find and keep, but once you do, you’ll never want that feeling to leave.

Love is Self-Love

This may seem a bit backward, but it’s important to remember that you have value. Before you begin a relationship with another person, you must first learn to love yourself. It’s difficult being in a relationship where you, or your partner, feel useless and uncertain with yourself. By loving yourself first, you create this strong confidence bubble that no one can break. This also closes the doors for individuals who may not know their self-worth and opens the doors who are ready to love unconditionally.

Love is Communication

My mom, with her ultimate wisdom, has repeated this over and over to me while I was growing up and had my first boyfriend. As wrong as I wanted her to be when things were going downhill, she is right. Communicating with each other is key to your relationship. You might think you’re both on the same page, but if you’re not communicating and talking it out with your partner, there’s a chance you might be in two different chapters. This can create problems if you both want different things, but you don’t know about them if you’re not communicating effectively.

Love is Friendship

Being friends first has always been my way to start off a relationship, but it’s okay if you skip that step. A healthy relationship between two people who are friends as well as companions is the best of both worlds. You have someone you want to go home to at the end of your day, but also who you can rant to about your coworker who was being difficult at work or paint nails just for the fun of it.

There are way more things to keep in mind when looking for that special person and even more when defining love, but these are some foundations that help you understand the difference between the idea of love and being in love. Overall, remember you are worth falling in love with, and you should never ever settle for anything less than you deserve.