During my time in high school, I suffered from depression. It was like I was dragging myself along through the days with no motivation or goal in sight. There would be times when I would attend a social event or be immersed in something that I am passionate about, yet I would feel empty and completely distant from it all. I would constantly be hard on myself, putting myself in a dangerous and negative mindset. High school is hard enough as it is, but when you feel constantly distressed, empty, useless and unimportant, it makes everything much more difficult. It affected my grades and my relationships around me.
I was also very embarrassed by my depression. I never wanted to admit that I needed help or that there was something wrong. One of the benefits of being an actor is that it is easy to play the role of a happy, problem-free student when needed. My family never really knew that I was going through this because of how well I hid it from them.
By the end of high school, I did, in fact, manage to bring myself out of this rut. I got the wisdom and inspiration that I needed to help me find a way back to a better way of living. After going through this and reflecting back on it, I began to see more of depression through the societal lens. Through overheard conversations and social media, the general consensus that many adults nowadays have is that the idea of a teenager being ‘depressed’ is normal and they will grow out of it.This absolutely drives me insane. First of all, not everyone gets depressed. Yes, everyone gets sad and has some bad days, but that’s not depression. Depression changes everything in your life to a negative one and is something that doesn’t go away overnight. Second, of all, the knowledge that many kids these days are dealing with depression more than the older generation is actually true, but it is because of how the older generation has built this system of expectations and priorities. It is not our fault that we are being forced to excel in every possible subject in hopes to get a decent job in the future.
Something else that I have found disturbing is the romanticizing of depression. Whether it be in films or online, especially Tumblr, depression is being portrayed in an appealing and desirable way. It is being created as a form of aesthetic that people are attracted to. There is nothing romantic or appealing about depression. Not once during that period of time where I was dealing with it did I ever think, “wow this is great”. To romanticize depression encourages a very unhealthy way of living or more rather a way of not living. Depression prevents you from living life to its fullest potential, so don’t go looking for it just to please your “aesthetic”.
What I am wanting to get across here is that we need to stop normalizing depression and start taking it seriously. It can lead to self-harm which can lead to suicide. This is something that should not be taken lightly. Sometimes I’ll find myself falling back into that dark place at random times to this day. Should I ever get as bad as before or even worse, then I don’t want to feel embarrassed like I did before? I should be able to feel comfortable asking for help and not worry about someone just passing it off as it being nothing and that I just need to sleep it off.
Mental health is so important. Mental health is a serious subject. See the signs and say something, don’t push it aside.
