Let's face it, while college has so many amazing opportunities and memorable experiences meeting new friends and exploring a new city, going into college I was hesitant about what others would think of me. I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago, and never thought I would ever make it to college. I have always had self-confidence issues and lack of self-respect. High school rolled around, and I was hit with the reality of a much larger workload and began to experience severe anxiety. I would isolate myself and avoid social events because I was too stressed out, or didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin to be exposed to a situation full of partying, alcohol, and peer pressure.
My anxiety developed into extended periods of sadness: ones that didn’t just last for a few hours or a day, but for several days, sometimes weeks. I would wake up every day upset and end the day feeling the same. I struggled constantly to pick myself out of bed and function in school. I was in so much pain, and I was tired of explaining my pain to my parents, and all I wanted was clarity. I needed some kind of answer to my constant thought that I was crazy. My mood was extremely erratic during my junior year, and both my friends and parents became concerned. It finally became too much.
Reluctantly, I sought after psychological help, where I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety, and as I continued therapy once a week, my therapist noticed similar signs and symptoms I was experiencing that are associated with bipolar depression. Bipolar depression symptoms include periods of elevated mood or irritability. My mind is never at rest and is constantly racing, and often I experience high energy levels with reduced need for sleep. My erratic mood consists of emotions ranging from anger, anxiety, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, and elevated moods followed by sudden mood swings.
My life felt like it was spiraling out of control, that I was stuck in a never ending tornado unable to break free. That's when I decided to reach out for help and gain control of my life. Everyone endures hardships, and they may be disheartening, discouraging ordeals that often times we struggle to pick ourselves up when we fall down. I learned that in order to surmount my treacherous setbacks, I had to take that first step and ask for help.
Today I can tell you I am taking the right steps toward recovery. I have such amazing friends that are there every step of the way. I feel confident, excited, and most importantly: happy. Yes, happiness seems so simple, and you may wonder, why is this so important? Doesn't everyone experience happiness? While that may seem like the truth, happiness to me has been the key towards the road to recovery. I am so happy and proud of everything I have accomplished, and to say I'm finally experiencing happiness, is more important than any trophy or material good in the world.
