So here's the thing, in a world full of everyone claiming they're depressed when they get a little sad, when you've REALLY experienced depression, you know it, and you don't usually tell people. Depression is not something you brag about or want everyone to know. It's something you try to run from and ignore and hide from the world.
I struggle with depression. I truly have depression. It's isn't a joke, it isn't a sad day, it isn't just an hour long cry. It's weeks of not eating. It's days of crying. It's shutting down and shutting everyone out. It's feeling alone even when you're not. It's hating yourself when you've done nothing wrong. It's constantly feeling like you never do enough no matter how hard you try. It's faking a smile no matter how hard it is so the world doesn't have to see how ugly it is and immediately falling to pieces as soon as you get home. It's thinking that every thing that goes bad in your life is your fault.
Sure, sometimes you'll have good days, weeks, maybe even months, but it always comes back. And what sucks so bad is you can feel it. You get the wrenching feeling in your stomach, that lump in your throat, that burning feeling in your eyes from trying so hard to fight back the tears. That feeling you are all too familiar with that it is coming on. But what's even worse than that is there's nothing you can do. It's like knowing a wreck is about to happen but only being able to stand there and watch. It's like those dreams you have when something's happening to you but you can't scream for help or you can't run fast enough or hit hard enough. But you can wake up from those nightmares. You can't wake up from depression. You just have to sit there completely helpless as you feel yourself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. And then you just have to wait it out. You just have to take the bad days and hold on to what you know and that is, eventually the good days will return.
So to all of those people that claim their one sad day is a depression, for the love of God stop saying that. You don't realize how lucky you are. Be thankful that you can move on and be happy again after a day or two, and don't belittle this sickness that controls so many lives.
To everyone that truly has depression. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I know it isn't fair, but please stay strong. Remember that even though you feel alone, you're not. Even though you feel like a failure, you're not. You are strong and beautiful and worthy. So keep fighting because better days are always ahead. God bless you all.
