Depression. The most overused medical term overused by people world wide. I'm not here to judge you, hell, who am I to do that? I want to put my experience out in the world so the next human doesn't have to feel like they're alone. My depression comes in many shapes and forms, based on where I am, who's around me, and what triggered this mental instability to occur.
Right now, I'm not in the bad space I was in a while ago but that's because I've gone through this enough to notice the triggering behaviors. The first time I was depressed was almost ten years ago and it was the first time I had to confront my symptoms. I couldn't get up, sleep, eat, or socialize. I would just stay in bed, not knowing what day, time, or even month it is. I would just shift in and out of sleeping based on my mom's screaming schedule. When this first episode happened my home life wasn't the best. I never wanted to be home but I was forced to be a slave to the pillows and sheets. so the cycle made it worst, which made me fall even deeper into the depression hole. After that, I found a routine that kept me above water, but a few years later I was right back to where I was. Instead of being bed ridden I learned how to keep my motions alive enough for me to function but then came the over-eating, the under-eating, the attitude, the doubt, and withdrawal. This is, what I think, the worst part about depression. It's so easy to find another excuse or reason to deny what you're really going through.
I just want to say, it's okay. It look me a really long time to learn what "it" really is. What I went through and what countless number of people go through is okay, as long as you acknowledge and accept it. Denying what you're going through is only going to make things worst and harder for yourself. There is nothing more dangerous than denying what your mind and body is suffering through. If you get a rash or cough that doesn't go away, you're going to want to go to the doctor, and I'm pretty sure other people will tell you to go to the doctor as well. So why don't we take the time and tell someone about our symotoms, feelings, struggles, etc.
Your feelings aren't invalid. Your life is important. Talk to someone, anyone that will listen--even a random person. But as someone who has gone through this and continues to go through this, listen to your head, heart, and your body.
