For the past couple of weeks, I have been in a rut. My depression has been rearing its ugly head and causing me to feel like I'm losing control. I got into the habit of peeling myself from my bed just in time to throw something on and make it to class.
After I fulfilled my academic duties, I would go back to my room and sleep or lay in bed and waste time. Then I would do the same thing the next day.
Yesterday, I had a realization. I realized that I was becoming comfortable with being miserable. It made me feel safe like the world couldn't possibly hurt me if I minimized my interaction with it.
I allowed myself to get so used to feeling this way that I didn't want to change. I didn't want to take risks or push against what my mind wanted me to do.
In a way, I was almost pretending I didn't exist, because it was what I was used to.
The human mind always wants to choose what's comfortable. Especially in today's largely automated society, people can get away with showing the least amount of effort possible. Fast food is easy and convenient in comparison to cooking dinner. Sitting in front of the TV requires absolutely no energy, whereas going to the gym after a long day is largely unappealing.
The way I have been living took no effort at all, so I found myself not wanting to change. It was easy to come home and lay right back in bed. Doing anything else would have taken energy I did not have, and willpower I did not feel like mustering.
It was a subconscious feeling and it took me a while to uncover it, but it was there.
What I'm saying is that we, as humans, need to be very careful with getting comfortable. Comfort can be a good thing, to an extent, but when we become comfortable with performing self-destructive habits or with just being lazy, we are actually doing ourselves a disservice.
I never thought my depression would act as a sort of security blanket. It's what I know, and it's safe.
I don't want to play it safe anymore. I have pulled this comfortable feeling out of my brain, and I want to change. I want to put myself out there. I want to take risks.
Taking small steps to break your unhealthy habits is one of the best things you could do for yourself if you find that you are sticking with them because they make you feel safe. Comfort should not be taken for granted, but it also should not be the only thing you aim for in your everyday life.
Sometimes, we have to be uncomfortable in order to grow and feel good in the end.
