We've all seen the articles shared and published through social media about dealing with our own depression, anxiety, self destructive thoughts and tendencies, but it isn't very often we read that those who surround you are affected too. I'm not selfish, and neither are you for reading this. The thing is no matter who says it isn't your problem, your business or your life, it is; because as your person's significant other, parent, child, cousin, friend or co-worker, you feel what they feel.
The idea that someone you love or care for is suffering internally is unbearable for some, including me. We try to give them space, but then they feel abandoned. We try to talk with them about how they feel and they are annoyed or embarrassed. Every way you turn you are put down by not only the person you're wanting to help, but by yourself because you are failing in every aspect of the word.
No one around you understands, either. You try to talk with a confidant about what you're feeling and the answer is "It isn't your problem" or "You deserve better." No! It is my problem because as a significant other, we are a team. And I deserve better? When I was upset, they were there for me. If I were to walk away now, isn't it they who deserve better?
Of course, this is something we must continually remind ourselves - it is our problem and they deserve our support. You are not required to be this person's punching bag. They do not get to say and do whatever they want because they are hurting from an unknown source to our eyes. But, hang on.
You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to feel tired and many days you will feel worthless. You will break at the tiniest words and that's OK. You are allowed to feel the hurt they feel and you are allowed, and I urge you, to tell them how you feel, too. Most days you'll get the "stop making it about you" reaction, but at least you have planted the seed of your feelings into their brain pot. This isn't forever.
And lastly, don't you dare think this is your fault. Don't you dare ask what you did wrong or why you cannot make them happy. Don't you dare take this personally - because this may affect you, but it isn't about you. You are the maker of your happiness. Of course things may contribute to how happy and how sad you are, but it is you who calls the shots. And the same goes for them. The only one who can pull them out of their own darkness is them.
I know this is hard to hear. I know this isn't the ending that you wanted, but sometimes you must pause. You must sit yourself down and remember that this is your life, and those who are apart of it should only make it better. Even though you're a team, even though you love them, sometimes you must be the one who pushes away because: You. Come. First. You cannot save them, you can only support them and there are many distances support can be given and received from. Deep down, only you know best.
