I have been dealing with depression for a little more than 7 years. I've had good days, bad days, worse days, and numb days. Depression doesn't mean you're always sad. Depression doesn't mean that you can't be happy. Depression doesn't mean that you can't have fun, or derive pleasure from some things. Depression simply means that you suffer from depression, a mental illness that can be helped the same as any illness.
Depression isn't caused by the person suffering from it. Telling someone with depression that it's all in their head and they should just "try being happy" is like saying the same to someone with a broken arm and telling them to "Just stop having a broken arm". You wouldn't tell someone with a physical illness that their pain isn't real, so don't say that mine isn't.
one major problem with depression is that when someone has it for a long time it begins to become a part of who they are. They identify with their depression and even though they hate it and want it gone, it feels wrong to try and live without it. I have been on many medications in the past. After a while it feels like they start working, but it feels wrong. It isn't me. I am not the person who I become when I'm medicated. It stresses me out, because I'm too happy and I know that it's fake. It's synthetic happiness. It doesn't last, and when it's gone I realize it was never me.
That last paragraph may lead you to believe that I "like" being depressed. i don't. I't literally depresses me. No one wants to be so overwhelmingly sad that they can be diagnosed with a mental illness. Icon For Hire is a band with many songs that can be used to examine depression. In my case, anyway, I identify with many of their lyrics. Particularly the song "Iodine" explains what I've been talking about. A few lyrics from the song are "Crazy's, I believe, the medical term. When we wanna recover, but we don't wanna learn.", and "I wanna be happy, but I quickly forget when I sabotage all the good I've got left. Depression's like a big fur coat, it's made of dead things but it keeps me warm."
(Video Here) -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsegL1dgp2o
People who don't suffer from depression tend to think of it as a state of mind, instead of a real illness. In my experience I've had people tell me to "get over it", "just stop being depressed." and my favorite, "You're making it all up". We are not "making it up" and we cannot "Just stop". We are in pain nearly every day and we don't know what will help it. If you know someone with depression and you say things like this to them you need to stop. you are not being helpful, you are making it worse. Things like this put blame on the depressed person instead of the disease. It makes them feel worse about themselves.
Depression is not just sadness. Sadness isn't a big enough word for what is experienced. Here are a few more appropriate feelings:
Self hatred, lonely, despair, broken, distraught, empty, hopeless, isolated, melancholy, overwhelmed, vulnerable.
On another note, people with depression aren't always "sad". To think otherwise is ignorant. People with depression have good days just like people without it have bad days. Don't assume that just because someone is smiling that their depression is "gone". Roll with their happiness and be ready to help them when the feelings of self hatred come back.
Someone with depression may experience happiness over the smallest, strangest things. I cannot speak for everyone, but there are a few specific things that make me forget about my depression if only for a few moments: A new episode of a favorite tv show, buying a new book, hanging out with someone I enjoy being around, and sleeping. These joys are often short lived but lived nonetheless.
Most of the time those with depression don't want to be around people. they would rather be in their bed, sleeping or watching youtube videos, than talk to anyone. There are exceptions to this. For example: I have a small, very small, group of friends that the idea of hanging out with excites me. I cling to the time we spend together. I often feel like a bother to them, but being around them makes me feel better so I try to hang on for as long as I can before I go back to being alone again.
Those with depression may have suicidal thoughts. These usually aren't brought on by wanting to die so much as not wanting to be alive. There are two choices and they know for sure than one of them isn't working for them, they have no idea what the other holds and when they become desperate enough they may decide to try it.
(National Suicide Prevention Hotline)-> 1-800-273-8255
People with depression may not feel loved, despite people constantly telling them that they are. Depression clouds all reason and while someone may have family and friends that love them, depression tells them that it's a lie. I experience this on a daily basis. My depression tells me I am not loved, and I believe it even though I know I am. I have a constant voice in the back of my head saying that if I were gone no one would really be upset about it in a month. When this happens I text my best friend, or I call my grand parents. I don't tell them the reason for the out of the blue call/text, but it makes me feel better to talk to someone. I usually end up stumbling over words because I have nothing to say, and the calls are short, but they help.
My depression isn't just going to go away, and it's unlikely that anyone else's will either, but I am learning to live with it. If you suffer from depression learn your triggers and try to avoid them. Look at your friend group and see if there's anyone who makes you genuinely happy to be around, they might be your anchor. Try to talk to at least one person a day, more if you can handle it. If the only way you can get through the day is by counting down to something but you have nothing to count to then save up money and count down until you have enough to buy something, even something small. Do what you have to do to survive.
( I may not follow my own advice, but one day I will get there. )
