Sadness and confusion swarmed over my life like never before.
Whether or not all of these things were actually said out loud, they are the thoughts that consume(d) me on a daily basis.
They are the things that:
...I thought people were thinking,
...were probably thought and never spoken out loud,
...or, were spoken aloud to me, or to someone else about me.
The people around me think I'm crazy. They think I've had my fair share of self-wallowing and that it's time to get over it.
The people around me think I'm negative. Trust me when I say I'm very well aware of how lucky I am, I know I have it pretty damn good, so these feelings cause me just as much confusion as you.
The people around me notice I cry often. I'm an emotional person who feels everything deeply and passionately.
The people around me think I'm bubbly. Unfortunately, I go home at the end of every day feeling like I'm taking off a mask I've worn for hours.
The people around me think that because I'm not bedridden, I'm not actually depressed.
The people around me tell me about myself, but it's nothing I don't already know.
The people around me think I'm selfish for acting this way, but I would actually do anything to forget about my problems and insecurities for one day.
The people around me think I'm lazy, but I'd just rather be alone to contain my sadness than fake it with a smile in public.
The people around me ask if I'm sad, but a better word to describe it would be numb.
2018 has been one hell of a year. Emphasis on the hell.
For whatever reason, I just couldn't get out of my feels for a while.
Everyone experiences anxiety and/or depression differently. Although there are things you can do to help, it's not always something that feels controllable.
If you're not a person that suffers from either of these, above is a look into my life during the lowest lows.
If you know someone that struggles with either or both of these illnesses, send them some love, even if you don't understand it. Let them know they're on your mind.
If you're someone that lives with these every day, whether you're the one actually suffering, or you're the one that lives with a person who does, open your mind to some research. Anxiety and depression do not only affect the person going through it, but those around them, also... Knowing the basic reasons as to why someone may be feeling or acting the way that they are will not only help them but those who are on the other side, as well.
