an·ti·de·pres·sant

1. Happy pill

I used to think antidepressant meant "happy pill" that you would take one and be cured. That an antidepressant was a "fix all" pill. I was so very wrong. Being on an antidepressant is a roller coaster of emotions.

Sometimes you feel better, but most of the time you feel worse. Antidepressants aren't all made the same, it takes a while before you find one that makes you feel better, but one that has side effects that you can actually tolerate.

I still feel depressed, despite being on Zoloft, and now Lexapro for 5 months.

There is this weird thing that happens when you have depression, and can still happen while on antidepressants. Its called dependency.

You feel as thought you need your depression, that it is a familiar part of you. Without your depression and tendencies who really are you? All you've ever known is your depression, its a familiar face in your little world.

My depression went unnoticed for years, I was miserable. When asked what was wrong with me, I said nothing and went about my day. Depression was my normal.

Depression shouldn't be a normal. I was drowning in my own emotions since I was a kid, I thought my drowning was actually swimming. man, I was SO wrong. It slowly manifested into a huge cloud over me, I felt so trapped.

My family said I was miserable, mean, not fun to be around, which only made me more depressed.

When I got into college I realized I needed help, I just didn't know how to get it. Sophomore year I went downhill so fast. I was sleeping all the time, I had no motivation, I missed all of my classes.

It got to the point where I almost didn't pass the semester. thankfully, I had a professor who completely understood what i was going through, she sent me to the counseling center here at school.

This same professor also let me finish the course over the summer to help ease my stress. I just barely passed my classes. Now, as a junior I decided to get help.

I am now on an antidepressant, It's hard to realize that the antidepressant wont heal you by itself, you need to help yourself too. Despite your depression making you feel alone, you're not.

You are just the same as millions of people who struggle with depression.

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifelineat 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.