“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“Are you suicidal? Do you need to talk someone?”
“Oh there’s so much to live for! How could you feel that way?"
Anyone who has confided in someone about their struggle with depression has heard those words. For too many people, those questions are absolutely necessary. But to some of us those words sting like a slap in the face.
I first began my struggle with depression the summer after I graduated from high school. The bad feelings piled up, and having to put the dog I grew up with to sleep at the end of the summer was my tipping point. I barely ate for two weeks, sat in bed all day staring at the wall, and just felt empty.
But I never once wanted to end my life.
It’s hard enough to face your demons when it comes to depression; explaining to someone that you’re just sad for no “real” reason is why so many people fight a lonely battle.
It’s even harder when those you confide in project their own assumptions onto you.
When I have an episode of depression, I don’t hate my life, nor do I think about shooting myself, or hanging myself. I’ve never felt the pain in my chest that tells me that life isn’t worth it. That’s not what depression is. That's a symptom. That’s Hollywood depression that they show you in the movies. You wouldn't say a cough is the same as a cold because it's one of the symptoms.
So if depression doesn’t mean you want to kill yourself, what is it?
It’s waking up in the morning and lying in bed for four hours because doing anything other than just that feels like too much effort for something so pointless. It’s doing nothing all day and feeling like you climbed a mountain and ran 10 miles by the time you climb into bed that night. It’s losing interest in that one hobby you spent hundreds of dollars on and thousands of hours invested in.
It’s getting home from the best day you’ve had in years, crawling under the blankets in a dark room and crying because sadness is the only feeling you’ve felt in weeks and being sad feels more normal than feeling nothing at all.
Yes, it is important to make sure that someone gets the help that they need if they are suicidal. But at the same time, we need to educate the public that there is more than just suicidal depression, and that those suffering from other types of depression need not only just as much help, but the proper help and support.
