I go to the dentist every six months which to my knowledge is a fairly normal and observed practice. If I had it my way, though, I would never go back. The dentist is not fun. I have never truly enjoyed going, whether it's for a teeth cleaning or a cavity filling and the probability of this statement changing is slim to none. The dentist scared me for a large portion of my life thanks to "Little Shop of Horrors." Steve Martin plays a truly terrifying dentist.
At some point, I had thought of being a dentist because I did not want other kids to be afraid of the dentist like I was. Now I’m an English major, so you can see how successful that was.
Here are 10 reasons why the dentist is definitely not on my top 10 favorite places to go.
1. Foreign tools being jabbed at your gums
Please, tell me if I am wrong, but I am under the assumption that humans do not enjoy having their gums scraped and stabbed at. I suppose it is necessary to prevent disease and to promote healthy teeth, but still.
2. Your water and air magic sticks
In addition to the pointy things you are placing in my mouth, you are also putting water in my mouth and then sucking it out. These tools seem a little strange. This definitely sounds like an invention made by someone who like to just prod in people’s mouths.
3. Nagging
I know that it is your job to remind of certain dental practices that I like to pretend that I do, but we should just cut out the middle man. I do not floss everyday—sometimes I forget. I brush my teeth twice a day and when I run out of mouthwash it might take me a couple weeks to buy some to replace it. You might think that you sound caring, but in reality you make me feel like a bad person for being a normal human. Just so you know, every time I leave the dentist cavity-free, I buy a cookie from the bakery.
4. The flossing thing
When I tell you that I floss everyday, please just know that I am lying. In my mind, flossing is observed for trying to get food out from between my teeth. Also, I have never understood why bleeding around the gums during a cleaning makes you question my flossing habits. I saw how sharp that tool was. I think we all know why there is blood.
5. Strange toothpaste flavors
The last time I went to the dentist I could have sworn that the flavor of toothpaste tasted like birthday cake. I am not sure what the actual flavor was, but it is not a taste I want to associate with the dentist. I am a 20-year-old woman. I would like some grown up toothpaste.
6. Strange sounds that you can’t quite place
I hate it when the dentist or dental hygienist walks away and you hear strange clanging sounds. The soft whimpers of helpless children doesn’t put me in the best of moods either.
7. Waiting rooms
I hate waiting for things that I do not want to do. Again, I know that dental health is important, but I swear that time slows in the waiting room. That time is slowed considerably when you are surrounded by only magazines to read.
8. The prize box
I think it’s unfair that only children get a prize for having a successful dentist visit. I want a reward for not having cavities or for having an awesome brushing technique. Adults really don’t get enough credit for doing boring, responsible things.
9. Numbing
When I need serious dental work done, I truly appreciate the fact that you numb my mouth. What I do not like is when you get caught up doing something else and forget that you numbed my mouth and have to stick me with a needle again.
