With the (second) Greek debt crisis, the ever growing political divide in the US, rampant racial tensions, and Donald Trump being second in the presidential polls, we have got a ton of major problems in the world. But one of the biggest problems is the abundance of famous people named Chris.
Hollywood’s a place full of trends. In fact, it’s the third trendiest place on earth, behind Pinterest and Olivia Pope’s closet. And what’s a greater trend than names? In the Golden Age of Hollywood, “Hepburn” was the “it name,” held by legends Katherine and Audrey. A few years ago, colors and directions were apparently in, as seen by the births of Blue Ivy Knowles and North By North West. But now, the greatest name trend in Hollywood is, unequivocally, “Chris.”
With all these Hemsworths, Evans, and Pratts running around with the same name, it could be difficult for a laymen to differentiate between them. So here’s a definitive list finally answering the age-old question, “Which Chris is the Best Chris?”
8. Chris Soules
Now, let's be real here. There's no way this Bachelor/Bachelorette/Dancing with the Stars "Prince Farming" would be anywhere other than at the bottom of this list. The only reason he's on this list at all is because his high-pitched girlish laugh still haunts me to this day, and that means staying power.
7. Chris Messina
Now, while those who watch The Mindy Project know how great Messina’s curmudgeonly Dr. Danny Castellano is, those who don’t watch The Mindy Project is a much bigger list. While Messina has also been in several classic movies ( Vicky Christina Barcelona, Argo, You’ve Got Mail ), he just doesn’t have the popularity necessary to be any higher on the list. But boy, can this man dance.
6. Chris Pine
Chris Pine’s relatively bad ranking on this list may come as a surprise to some, but hear me out! Sure, he can sing, he can dance, his eyes can literally see through the soul, he was in the defining movie of my adolescence The Princess Diaries 2, and I’m being told he was also in other movies like Star Trek (never heard of it). Forget Prince Farming, Pine is literally Prince Charming. But -- and like Nicki Minaj, this but is pretty big -- he was arrested for drunk driving and pled guilty to DUI. Sure, he sings, but he also drinks and drives. And that is why he's only the Number Six Chris in my heart.
5. Chris Evans
Our stalwart Captain America comes in at Number Five on this list of Chris’. Like his superhero alter ego, Chris Evans is great to look at, a wonderful person, and just kind of boring compared to the other guys around him.
4. Chris Hemsworth
The best Hemsworth brother by far rounds out our Top Four. Though rather interchangeable with Chris Evans, Hemsworth’s Australian accent gives him the edge. Aside from being the God of Thunder Down Under, this guy’s got a personality, many comedic roles coming up (like the Ghostbusters reboot), and he’s the only one other than Jared “Jesus” Leto who can pull of a man-bun.
3. Chris Martin
While not as “flashy” as his Chris counterparts, Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, the band-you-love-to-hate (or in my case, just plain love unabashedly), is of of the world’s biggest rock stars. Not only that, but he’s also one of the most down-to-earth and genuine rock stars on the planet, involved with numerous charity efforts. Plus, he's a singer that's never been arrested for a DUI, so there's that. Also, he gets points just for his great effort at making Game of Thrones: The Musical.
2. David Beckham
Okay, not an actual “Chris,” but just look at him.
1. Chris Pratt
I mean, was there any doubt Chris Pratt wasn’t going to top this list? From his glorious days as Andy Dwyer on Parks and Recreation to his glorious days taming raptors in Jurassic World , Chris Pratt is the epitome of Chris-hood. He’s the Chris all other Chris’ wished they were. Great both chubby and ripped, Chris Pratt is the Number One Chris on this list and in our hearts.
