Think back to the fourth grade. It was another rainy Saturday, and your mom wouldn’t drive you over to your friend’s house to play "the floor is lava" for the afternoon. Then suddenly you remember that you have that Backyard Baseball machine AKA the computer in the other room. It’s begging you to log in and sock some dingers.

In what was quite possibly the most beloved game of almost everyone’s childhood, Backyard Baseball for the PC would routinely consume any and all free time I could have used learning to read or spell. However, what may be the most entertaining part of the game were the characters you could choose from when you drafted your team at the start of the season. If you have a spotty memory, or didn’t really play the game when you were younger, don’t you worry, because what follows is the definitive ranking of the Backyard Baseball characters. (By the way, if you didn’t name your team the Pretty Frogs every time then stop reading right now because you didn’t really play the game.)

1. Pablo Sanchez

This is a no-brainer. The Babe Ruth of the game. The kid didn’t speak a lick of English, but that’s how you knew he was a true student of the game. Somehow this sub 4-foot-5-inch prodigy routinely hit the ball over 600 feet (especially with the aluminum bat), then would berate the opposing pitcher with what I could only assume were Spanish slurs and insults while rounding the bases. Cockiness and skill that would make even Michael Jordan jealous. A guaranteed first overall pick.

2. Keisha Phillips

Keisha was truly a physical specimen. The size of an NFL left tackle, but somehow 8 years old, Keisha was usually the second player off the board. Defying all logic, she was commonly known as the fastest player in the game, regardless of the fact that her upper body was eight times the size of her lower body. No matter what her appearance may have been, she absolutely dominated the competition on a daily basis. She also was one of the more confusing characters in the game, as she had an African-American accent in Backyard Baseball, while sporting a Spanish accent in other Backyard Sports games.

3. Dimitri Petrovich

Okay, let’s get one thing straight: this kid was a big time nerd. No doubt about it. Not only was he a nerd, he routinely gave me the creeps. I mean, his nickname was "Petri Dish." On top of that, he spoke with a Russian accent on par with a Bond villain. Really just a strange kid. But dammit if he couldn’t hit the hell out of the ball. It made no sense how he excelled in sports, especially since half the time he was in the field he was holding a pocket calculator in his throwing hand. Weird kid, but great ball player.

4. Tony Delvecchio

In what may be the exact opposite of Dmitri’s character, Tony was by far the coolest player in the game. Not only did he talk with an accent that made him sound like he was from the Bronx circa 1920, he also routinely wore a wife beater while playing the field, and I’m pretty sure he smoked cigarettes while batting. Just an all-around badass. The type of kid that puts baseball cards in his bicycle wheel spokes. He was also the oldest player on the field and one of the most notorious trash talkers in the league. Really just had it all. Not to mention his Jimmy Neutron hair that would make even Johnny Bravo jealous. This kid was always a sleeper No. 1 pick for me just because he made your team that much cooler.

5. Kenny Kawaguchi

Honestly he should probably be ranked higher, just because of how impressive he was. I mean, the kid was in a wheelchair yet still had to face Randy Johnson throwing Undergrounders every other pitch. Really just a hero. The only drawback was his sister Vicki, who would wear a pink tutu and dance instead of paying attention to the game. Kenny was the definition of a hustle player, and someone you had to have on your team.

6. Pete Wheeler

If I made this list 100 players long, Pete Wheeler would be ranked #100. I can say with no remorse that I hate Pete Wheeler. Just an unbridled hate for this make-believe eight-year-old. Not only did he run the bases like he just fell down a flight of stairs, but his voice made you want to punch a hole in the wall. I would actively avoid Pete during the draft, hoping for some reason he would disappear from the available players. I’m pretty sure the only reason he was so fast was because he needed the speed to catch up with all the other kids when they would try to ditch him after the game was over. So long, Pete.

Honorable mention: Vincent (Vinnie) the Gooch

Now, I know I left some players out, but I chose to only include the most notable players in the game. However, I reserved this space for perhaps the most legendary character in the game, announcer Vincent (Vinnie) the Gooch. Where do I even start with this guy. First of all, his name was literally Vinnie the Gooch. No last name, no middle name, nothing. Just "The Gooch." When I look back at it all these years later, it really is unbelievable that they allowed that to be a nickname of a children’s game character. Wearing sunglasses reserved for only Harry Caray himself, the Gooch would consistently refer to himself in third person and typically would eat a corn dog while announcing the game. Really just a champion of the Backyard Sports franchise and a sorely missed character.

After reading this, I hope I’ve inspired you to dust off your edition of Backyard Baseball to create the perfect team. Good luck, and play ball!