Disclaimer: I am speaking very generally. I do not pretend to know everything about how all teenagers react to these circumstances, nor do I pretend to know how all adults react either. I am basing this off of personal experience only.
To parents, guardians and friends of teenagers past and present, have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with your teenager(s) and just wondered what was compelling them to say (insert your teen's favorite saying here)? Even though I am a teen, sometimes I have to ask myself that question! Whether it's a lie, an exaggeration of the truth or something in between, most teens find themselves speaking before giving themselves time to think about what is about to come out of their mouths. Some theories propose the idea that this is the reason kids and teens like texting so much — they have time to slow down and think about whether what they want to say is truly the best thing to say in those moments, while in a live conversation, you have to think on your feet yet still be wise with your word choices. Most teens just aren't very good at this, myself included, so here is a guide to decoding the teenage brain.
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"I don't care."
I have to admit, this has been a popular phrase for me throughout my teenage years, and I still struggle to eliminate this phrase from my vocabulary. Of course, situation is everything when trying to uncover what a person is truly feeling, but generally when I tell people that something "doesn't really matter," I'm just trying to get them off of my back about something personal that I don't want to talk about, at least not with them. We've all been in the situation of someone asking too many personal questions that you don't feel like discussing, so what do you do? You pretend like there's nothing wrong, and you tell them that the issue is of no importance to you; therefore, it shouldn't be of any importance to them either. And it works. Or at least the topic is dropped to be brought up another day.
"So what?"
This is similar to the "I don't care," but usually this phrase is used when the teen has no "real" reasons or excuses for whatever they have said or done and are fishing for a comeback.
For example:
Parent: You're late! Twenty minutes past curfew, to be exact!
Teen: And? So what? It's not like I've never been late before!
The blank stare
Usually, the blank stare is used when the teen is being scolded or lectured by a parent. Most of the time, the blank stare is directed either at the floor, a random wall away from the lecturing parent, at a point directly behind the lecturer, anywhere but looking directly into the face of the lecturer. This mostly is given in order to hide all emotions from the lecturer. The lecturer may think this means that the teen is not paying attention or isn't listening, but mostly that isn't the case. The teen is listening, just not reacting. This technique is used when the teen feels guilt, anger or bitterness, all things the teen doesn't want the lecturer to see or know about. Bottom line: We're listening; we just don't like what we're hearing.
"But everyone else is doing it!"
Congrats, parents! You guys have this one figured out! Usually, when the teen says this, it means that they have absolutely no other valid reason for you to allow them to do or get whatever it is they're asking for. And you guys have the best analogy for this situation too! Keep doing what you're doing, and your kids will eventually thank you for it! Oh, and if you're looking for a good analogy for the situation where your kid says "But all the cool kids have (insert piece of tech or clothing here)," try this. "If all the 'cool kids' got shock collars to wear, would you get one too?" And make sure to point out that you would, of course, have the controller for the collar forever in your possession!
I know this was a short guide (I can't reveal all of our secrets, you know!), but I do hope that this was at least a small insight into the inner workings of how a teen thinks through these situations — or doesn't think.
