April was a hard month for me. And to be 100% honest with you, the last half of this school's semester has been difficult for me as a whole. I went through a terrible slump and struggled with finding the motivation to embrace my potential.
I had become content with the routine I was in, even though it wasn't serving me. Every day in the morning, I would wake up and the first thing I would do was look at my phone. I would stay on my phone until twenty minutes before class started, and would jump out of bed to get to class on time. I rarely would eat anything for breakfast. And, sometimes I would even forget to eat lunch.
During this period of my life, I barely got sleep. I was drained and didn't have the energy to be around people, because I wasn't taking care of myself. And, I was prioritizing taking care of other people's needs before mine, that I reached a point where it felt unbearable to be around people. And, it almost felt unbearable to even be with myself, because I was disgusted by the condition I was in.
But, even though I was disgusted with myself, I continued doing this routine for months. I kept on being committed to this routine because it became what I was accustomed to. It was what I thought my life was limited to. My habits had become what I had expected from life.
During the last two weeks of the semester, I took an honest look at my life and realized that this wasn't the type of life I wanted to be living. I had lost connection to myself and was barely giving the world anything of me. I wasn't showing up for myself, and thus, I wasn't showing up for life.
So, I made the decision that I wanted to change my life. But, I was terrified. This routine was all that I felt like I knew. It had become my lifestyle. I was scared to leave all that I knew. I wondered: Who would I be without these habits? I had become so identified with my habits, that I was scared of leaving them.
But these habits weren't nourishing me. Because they were no longer serving me, my desire for something better became stronger than my fear of the uncertainty that comes with changing my life. I had become so committed to my debilitating routine, that it became my life. But, then I realized that there is so much more to life than this. I decided to shift my commitment I have for my habits to my commitment to myself. These habits were no longer helping me grow, and they were never helping me in the first place.
It takes courage to leave a life you once knew to embark for something better. It took a lot of courage for me. But, I know that there is more to life than what I went through in the past few months.
If you find yourself stuck in a routine that is not serving you, know that you have the power to change your life for the better. I know that for me, I am going to work on myself this summer to let go of all the habits that don't serve me. This summer, I am going to make a commitment to myself.
Are you ready to make a commitment to yourself too?
