You all know what I'm talking about. One person complaining about a lack of sleep leads to a competition of who in the group is suffering the most. It becomes desirable to be seen as the "busiest" or the most "put upon" person because the assumption is then that you're stronger because you can overcome all that you're going through. This myth that everyone should be able to do everything and do it well is toxic because what we don't see is the true suffering, be it mental health or personal relationships or physical health or any number of different things. I certainly don't think it's fair to perpetuate this myth because it creates the idea that if you can't do everything all at once that you're somehow lazier or weaker for it.
In our society, busier is better, though somehow we're all expected to also have a vibrant social life and great success in our business or grades in school, and maybe if we're lucky, a romantic relationship. This is especially rampant on college campuses, where we glorify students who are double majoring and minoring, hold a paid internship, have stellar grades, and still has time for time-intensive extracurricular activities. I don't mean to discredit people who can do all of these things at once - it is impressive and it is very difficult. But something has to give as a result, and that I think is what people find hard to accept until it's too late.
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Particularly for people with lots of ambition, it can be hard to hear that you're doing too much. Some of the considerations we fail to take into account before the school year actually starts are things like time for homework, friends, a significant other, and time to catch your breath. Looking at your schedule is very different from living it, and what you might think is manageable on paper may be exhausting in practice. Working in time for meals, exercise, and social time is extremely important to anyone's wellbeing. And not doing everything doesn't make you weak or dispassionate.
It's also something to consider that plans change. At the beginning of the school year, I thought I was going to be taking 18 credits, working 5 hours a week, and working on a couple of shows which is, at maximum, a two week commitment. Instead, I am taking 15 credits, doing an internship, and assistant stage managing a show, which is more like a month long commitment rather than a week and a half. I had to shift my schedule because within a week of trying to cram 18 credits, a job, and an internship into my schedule, I was burning out fast. I decided I would rather have time to breathe and time to eat and sleep at an appropriate level than be the pinnacle of the "busy college student". Technically, I probably could have managed everything, and technically it fit into my schedule timewise, but I would have burned out so quickly it wouldn't be worth it.
I think the best way to fix this is to gradually stop creating competitions of who's the busiest. When conversations escalate comparing who got the least sleep or who has the worst class, we are perpetuating this myth that suffering is desirable and trying to stay healthy by not overloading yourself is laziness. Sometimes I see this in different majors, where they're simply not comparable, but they're compared all the time. History, English, or Art-related majors are seen as "easier" than Biology, Chemistry, or Nursing majors, and it's just an unfair comparison. One is paper-heavy, while the other is test-heavy, and whichever a student finds easier or harder is more dependent on their ability to write papers versus take tests, rather than easier or harder subject matter. I say it's time to stop comparing in a way that can be toxic, and if nothing else, annoying, and just start supporting and lifting each other up. It only fuels resentment and self-doubt when we contribute to this narrative.
Also, there's something to be said for lifestyle choices generally. If someone prefers being more or less busy, if they can handle that, there's nothing wrong with that. Romanticize health and happiness, and remember that everyone is different and can handle more or less in their schedule. What you might be able to handle may not be what someone else can, and it's not your business to make them feel bad about their choices.
For all you college students out there, good luck on midterms! Lift each other up instead of breaking each other down! Get sleep, eat food, and spend time with your friends, even if it's just a small study break. Don’t forget to live!
