Growing up, I was definitely not one of those girls who dreamed of having children. A white wedding? Maybe. As long as I could ride in on a gorgeous black steed with a flowing mane and wearing a hippie style, cream colored wedding dress. Definitely not white because let’s face it. Anytime I wear white I inevitably get something on it. Pasta sauce. Coke. Anything that will stain. But that’s not the point.

The point is, most little girls dream of getting married and having children at a young age. Me? Not so much. I dreamed of traveling and making a name for myself. Of doing something great. Making a change in the world for the better. I still dream of one day getting to visit places such as Paris. London. Italy. Greece. Egypt, even. I dream of one day being the Editor-in-Chief of a big-name magazine and writing the occasional piece for said magazine. I dream of having a gorgeous, 300-year-old house out on the East coast with a huge backyard for my dogs. I do dream of getting married, but not having children. Honestly, I would much rather adopt a child who desperately needs a home rather than bring one into the world myself.

But in all my 25 years on this beautiful planet we call Earth, I never thought I would actually dream of or even consider the possibility of having a total hysterectomy at age 25. Until now.

I have a friend who, from the time she was 14, began demanding that she have her tubes tied because she knew she didn’t want kids. Not now. Not ever. I always thought she was a little extreme but honestly, in this day and age and with the current political and economic situation, I can’t say that I blame her.

But that’s not why I’m considering major reproductive surgery and the removal of all my reproductive organs. A few weeks ago, I found out that my mom has a large, softball size mass on her right ovary. And as I write this, we’re not entirely sure whether it’s just a large ovarian cyst, or if it could be something more serious, such as ovarian cancer. Just typing those two words has me sick to my stomach. My mom finished radiation treatment for Stage 1 DCIS breast cancer in August, and now there’s a possibility she may have one of the deadliest forms of female cancer there is. It’s silent and deadly, and the majority of the time it presents itself with zero symptoms so by the time that doctors do catch it, for most women, it’s already too late.

Her OBGYN told her that her best option would be to have a total hysterectomy rather than just removing the mass and the right side of her ovaries. By removing everything, it significantly reduces the risk of ovarian cancer and if, by some chance it is actually cancer, it reduces the risk of it coming back once it is removed. As long as it hasn’t spread.

For some women, the thought of having a hysterectomy is terrifying. The surgery. The recovery time it takes... Never being able to have more children or a child to begin with. Feeling as though they are less of a woman because they can’t have children. My mom is 55 years young and hasn’t had a period in over twenty years. She had one awesome kid (yours truly) and that was enough for her, so quite frankly, she could care less if they gave her a total hysterectomy. And if it dramatically reduces the risk of ovarian cancer and the risk of the cancer coming back (although let’s hope that it’s not cancer), she’s all for it. She’s a brave woman, my mother.

When we left the OBGYN’s office knowing we were going to have to go see an OBGYN oncology specialist, I started thinking. A lot. According to the breast specialist my mom now has to see every six months, I have to start getting mammograms at age 30 because my mom had breast cancer. There is now a direct genetic link, and I have to start being proactive about my breast health. Which is scary but what’s even more scary to me is that if my mom does in fact have ovarian cancer, what stage is it in? Did we catch it in time? Do I have to start worrying about that too as the years go by?

I’ve even thought about getting the BRAC test done to find out if there are any type of genetic mutations. My mom’s OBGYN suggested my mom get tested first because if she tests positive for BRCA1 or BRCA2 or both, then chances are that I carry the same genetic mutations, which significantly increase my risk for developing breast and ovarian cancer. Not something a healthy 25-year-old wants to start thinking about, but unfortunately, I have to.

And that’s why, for the last four days, I’ve been contemplating getting a total hysterectomy. I’m sure that there are people who are going to say “Why would you want to do that? You’ll never be able to have children if you do that!” or “You don’t know if she has it so why would you even consider it?” or “You might say that you don’t want children now, but you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person.” Another response may even be the classic “What man is going to want to marry you if you can’t have kids?” Which do you think he would rather have? A dead wife or be left to take care of the children? If I would decide to do this, any man who has an issue with it can go screw themselves. It's my body. My health. And ultimately, my choice.

I’m sure there are also people who are going to call me selfish and tell me that as a woman, it’s my duty to have children and populate the Earth. Yeah… no thanks! There are plenty of people on this planet as it is and we’re killing it by overpopulating it, despite what the Government seems to think.

Trust me. This was not an easy decision to come to, and it’s one I still don’t know for sure if I will make within the next few years, but it is there in the back of my mind now. A lot of what I decide to do will depend on what we find out after Christmas. My mom has an appointment to see the OBGYN oncologist on the 26th, and depending on what he finds will depend on what I decide to do. Even if it’s not cancer, which I hope and pray that it is not, I will still seriously consider the possibility of a total hysterectomy so I don’t have to worry about the risk of developing ovarian cancer.