The day my last article actually posted, my grandfather passed away. And I know if I would have read it to him before, he would've made me repeat myself 60 times because he couldn't hear me and would have made me explain what the simplest of words meant. I wish I would've had the chance to do exactly that.
My grandpa was the hardest working man I knew. No, I'm serious. At 75 years old, this man owned a gas station and had his hands dirtier than mine have ever been a day in my life. He woke up at 4 am every morning to serve coffee to his customers (or really just to gossip with his friends). But either way, when people showed up, he worked his ass off. This article will depict my grandpa's vocabulary. You see, you knew he liked you if he called you a "son of a bitch". You knew he loved you if he called you a "mother f****r." He had such a way with words.
When you lose a loved one, it can be hard. But... it's inevitable. While that doesn't make it better, hopefully this article will make you feel a little less alone in the world.
It's going to suck.
I can't even tell you how much it sucks. And no, it doesn't go away, ever. But, with time, the sadness is replaced with peace; peace knowing that they are in a better place, that your loved one is somewhere out there watching over you- if you believe in that sort of thing. I know my mom's dad has been looking after me. Quite frankly, sometimes it freaks me out; especially when I'm doing something I know I shouldn't be.
But while it may suck, people do understand.
You feel like no one understands. You feel so alone, because how could anyone else ever have endured this sort of pain?! But they have. And they have pushed through. And you can too.
Death sucks. Knowing it's happening and not being able to do anything about it sucks. Watching your dad cry his eyes out because he just lost his father sucks.
It does so much for the ones experiencing the pain as well. It brings out emotions you may not have known that one cold family member had; it brings out extreme love you didn't even know some people felt; it might even bring out a few funny stories you never got to hear (or maybe some you heard a thousand times, but they're always good to listen to again).
I learned so much about my family this weekend, especially my dad's mom. I learned I have her small hands, small feet, small eyes, and big butt. I learned my cousin is going to make a great dad when he grabbed his younger brother by the arm and firmly fussed at him for hitting me. "You don't ever put your hands on a girl!" The love taps didn't hurt, but thanks Brant. I learned my aunt's and uncle's weird tendencies match all of my dad's weird tendencies that I never understood. I learned that sometimes family doesn't mean you get along every second, or that you like everything someone does, but it means being there for each other when life gets tough and loving one another more than anything no matter what.
I learned that death sucks. No, I already knew that. We all know that.
But I felt a deep pain for everyone in that room saying their final goodbyes, and it's a different kind of "suck" than just "death sucks" can explain.
If you don't understand this, I hope you never do. If you can't relate, I'm happy for you.
But, for those mourning someone, and can't find the light at the end of the tunnel, just know it's there.
I'm waiting for it too.
Death hurts, excruciatingly. But friends, flowers, food (especially the Popeyes someone brought to the funeral home), and family all help you get through it. There's no getting over the loss of your dad or mom, husband or wife, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend... It's a turning point in your life.
But take what you learn, remember the love you felt in that room that day, and give yourself a reason to better your life.
I know I'll try my best too. I may not be changing tires any time soon, but I definitely hope to one day be as selfless and respected as you were Paw.
Keep living, even if you don't see how you can just yet. Life has a way of figuring itself out.
RIP Paw and Pop.
