I don’t know how to write
I don’t know how to speak
How to inhale
And exhale
I try to erase my feelings
To ignore them and push them away
But that’s not what this is about
This isn’t about sweeping it under the rug
Not about accepting the dirty floor by walking on it
It’s about gathering it all and letting it go
Because if you don’t clean your home
It becomes a house
A place of things
Little messes everywhere
And you accidentally lock your keys inside
But instead of calling a locksmith
You sit and cry on your steps
And you try to call your husband
But you don’t have one
So you call your sister
But she doesn’t talk to you anymore
And your cat rubs against your shin
And that’s when you realize that he’s the only one left
But he only wants you because you feed him
But other than that he stays outside
And you feel dumb because it’s just a cat
But it still matters
But you don’t know why
So you pull out a cigarette and your purple lighter
And you put it between your teeth and light it
For the very last time
And then you light the house too
And suddenly
You’re inside of it
