I don’t know how to write

I don’t know how to speak

How to inhale

And exhale

I try to erase my feelings

To ignore them and push them away

But that’s not what this is about

This isn’t about sweeping it under the rug

Not about accepting the dirty floor by walking on it

It’s about gathering it all and letting it go

Because if you don’t clean your home

It becomes a house

A place of things

Little messes everywhere

And you accidentally lock your keys inside

But instead of calling a locksmith

You sit and cry on your steps

And you try to call your husband

But you don’t have one

So you call your sister

But she doesn’t talk to you anymore

And your cat rubs against your shin

And that’s when you realize that he’s the only one left

But he only wants you because you feed him

But other than that he stays outside

And you feel dumb because it’s just a cat

But it still matters

But you don’t know why

So you pull out a cigarette and your purple lighter

And you put it between your teeth and light it

For the very last time

And then you light the house too

And suddenly

You’re inside of it