Part 1: Falling Out Of Love
Love. Thanks to Hollywood, a few million authors, and some die-hard romantics with access to social media, love is plastered everywhere. #relationshipgoals is almost always trending, and it seems like its all a competition. People always try to have the cutest selfies with their partner, make new profiles, comment the heart-eyed emoji under anything their partner posts, and lets be real, love is presented to us as sunshine and roses. We're given the hope that we can find love in the most random and obscure places. And we hold onto that hope like a small child clutching onto their teddy bear.
This idea has resulted in the daydreams of millions. You get on the train to head into town to meet up with friends and you hear the tell-tale ding that says the train is approaching the next stop. The doors slide open and people shuffle on, and then you see him. Tall, blonde hair, football player type build, with those hazel colored eyes. Suddenly its like a film roll is playing behind your eyes; you see your first date together, the late night kissing, the apartment flat decorated oh so chic, you picture the two of you holding hands, its so perfect....
and then you blink and he's getting off the train and you'll never see him again. You didn't even say hi, yet thanks to Hollywood and John Green books, you literally just spent the last 5 minutes imagining your life with a person you didn't even say hello to. If that's not the definition of awkward I don't know what is.
Love is magical, it makes you sing and dance with that random flash-mob who just appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes, we get lucky and we find love, and we finding ourselves pulling an Olive Penderghast, by singing "Pocketful of Sunshine" in the shower. (I don't even need to be in love to do that, that song is the best.) We take cute pictures whenever we do something photo worthy, we hold hands, we sneak kisses while standing in line for the movies. Once we get to that space with someone, we feel like we're floating on cloud 9 and there is nothing that is able to stop us. Hollywood is good at bringing attention to that side of it. It's shown as a beautiful thing.
But there is an issue that isn't given nearly enough attention. What happens when you fall out of love.
That's the terrifying part of committing yourself to someone. You date for two reasons; to marry, or to breakup. Finding your soulmate in high school, marrying them, traveling with them, settling down, having 3 kids and moving to a cute 5 bedroom house in the suburbs is an ultimate goal. But that doesn't seem to be how it goes for the Millennial generation. We all make jokes about the f**k boys, who are perfectly okay with texting multiple girls and fooling around with them at the same time, all while having zero regard for their feelings. But at the same time, there are girls who are doing the exact same thing. There's just no respect for the aspect and action of falling in love, instead we're so absorbed in the idea of falling in love that we actually miss our opportunities.
It's not all singing in the rain and dancing through fields on the way to the most perfect picnic you have planned. It's terrifying. You can have the illusion that everything is fine, and you're okay. You can live like that, always avoiding the inevitable conflict by just playing the adult version of the drop pick up game with relationships, so you never get too attached. But the really scary thing, is you're eventually going to let your guard down, open up your heart, and allow yourself to experience that bliss. And one morning you'll wake up, and you will no longer be able to avoid that conversation, that voicemail, that long text message. And then you get to experience the joy of falling out of love.
It is a lesson that should be taught more, because it's a horrid feeling. It either drags on over a space of time and you can feel yourself falling out of it, or one morning either you or your partner decides that the magic, the "click" doesn't exist anymore. You share that horrible conversation, you feel that dreadful feeling make itself home in your stomach, and you will feel like you failed. Because there should have been something more you should have done. You should have tried harder, fought for it more, showed them that you cared more often. You will second guess everything you did, said, or felt in that relationship.
The aftermath is a nightmare. That bottle of whiskey will go down a little too smooth. That music will never sound the same again, & you will taste iron when you say their name. You're going to find yourself staring at the side of the bed where they used to sleep and miss the pressure from where their head used to lay on your chest. People will try to avoid the topic out of respect, but you will notice that people are trying to tread too lightly. You'll fight people tooth and nail, tell them that your fine. Tell them that the boxes full of your ex-lovers things that is dwelling in the hall doesn't bother you any. You will do anything to prove that you're okay, and you will become the champion of the statement, "Don't worry! I'm fine!" and you'll be able to do it with a smile on your face.
They will text you later. They'll ask you to come over, to talk, to get closure and clear the air. You'll yearn to hear them say your name again. So you'll go. And maybe you clear the air and go home feeling satisfied that you two had a civil conversation and you can now move on. But maybe you stay, and make decisions you in time regret. Because as you're once again laying in that bed, while they dose off to sleep, the reminder will come slamming back into you. Suddenly, you'll remember the bruises they left on your arm, the smell of her perfume that lingered a little too comfortably on his collar, the pair of pants he left in the back seat of her car, when she told you that she was going to the grocery store. You'll remember that the feeling, the click isn't there now.
You need to understand that this is common. But that you can make it through it. You are worthy of love. You are beautiful. You are talented. Maybe this person wasn't the person you were meant to be with, meant to start a life with. But that person built you up into who you are now, and even though they may have broken you back down for a time, you can be rebuilt, and you can take the time to be selfish & love yourself a little extra so you can rebuild yourself. There are things you can do, in order to teach yourself that this pain is okay, and in time, you'll learn it's painful because it's uncomfortable, but my darling, the best way to learn, it to leave your comfort zone.
Allow the love to go, or fight for it. If a spark is still lingering, then by all means fight. Fight like you mean it. But if you know in your heart that its gone, and it isn't coming back to stay, then let it go. Write a letter to them, saying goodbye, put it in a balloon, and let the balloon go. Allow yourself to grow, and learn to love yourself. Once you can love yourself, someone else, maybe that Right One will choose that time in your new life, now that you've given yourself a chance to process that love can sometimes hurt, but that you are still worthy, maybe they will choose then to appear and give your heart a break.
L'amour Toujours xx
