Dear Kris Kringle, aka Santa Claus, aka Saint Nicholas,

Sorry for the delay, it really has been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I wrote you a letter was in…2007, I think? I digress, I’m writing this to you because there’s a certain problem I know only you can help with. Now, for the record, I’ve been really good this year; I’ve matured as a person, given to my fellow man, and buckled down in my schoolwork. Writing to you really feels like a shot in the dark, since it’s been so long (that, and you’ve never really sent me anything back, but still). I’ve been debating writing this request to you for a while, needless to say I heard Josh Groban’s, "Believe"and immediately took to Microsoft Word to type you this letter.

I don’t know if I can still qualify as one of the listed parties in your naughty/nice files since I’m 19 now, but I know you can find it in your heart to do this for me. Also, my present needs to be done a tiny bit before Christmas if that’s alright with you; I know that it’s standard procedure for you to get the reindeer ready on Christmas Eve, but I’ll buy you a plane ticket if need be, you’ll just need to reimburse me (I’m a college kid, cut me a break).

In the past, I’ve asked for the standard kid’s stuff, you know; the gaming consoles, the comic books, the cool gadgets that cost millions of dollars on your end to create. This year I need to go against the grain and ask for something really unusual; not an action figure, not any music, and definitely not a pony.

Now Santa, I don’t exactly know how much experience you have on the college level but do you think you (or one of the elves) could do all my finals work for me? It shouldn’t take up too much of your time; if you could figure out how to engineer a sleigh to fly, you can definitely do my math final. The amount of work that needs to get done is way too much for one person, especially around Christmas. A lot of kids out there smile ear to ear on Christmas day because of the bountiful gifts you give yearly; all I ask is for you to make my wish come true. As you understand Santa, there are a lot of holiday festivities I want to take part in back home, but I can’t as long as I have this work on my plate.

Personally, I believe that you and your North Pole crew can help me out, seeing as how you’ve done so much good in the past. When I asked for my Nintendo GameCube, you made sure I got it even though I didn’t have a chimney in my house. When I asked for a laptop, you pushed yourself to make me one. I know that it’s completely out of the ordinary for a kid to ask you this but I can do something that other kids can’t. Instead of cookies, I’ll leave you 20 bucks underneath each homework assignment, what do you say? Nobody else has to know, it could be our secret; those North Pole taxes must be hell so if you help me I’d be more than happy to help you.

As of right now, I have three papers, two projects, one presentation, a five-minute movie to shoot and edit, and I have to come up with the solution for world hunger by Dec. 22. If you could do this for me, it would be much appreciated

Sincerely,

Every College Student Ever