Dear Princess,

I want to say I'm so very sorry.

It kills me when you tell me how much you miss your daddy.
Trying to explain why he is no longer around day after day is really hard, because you don't understand.

I know you didn't choose this.
I know this isn't the life you would have wanted.
I know this is not the life you deserve.

I feel like I've failed you by walking away, and when you're older and know the whole story I hope you'll understand.
I want you to know I tried.
Every day I tried.
Even when I left; I was still trying.

I wanted him to see what he would lose if he didn't change; I wanted us to be enough.

I want you to know what it looks like to be loved greatly, respected, cherished, and valued.
So, that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm loving myself greatly, respecting myself, cherishing what I have to offer, and valuing all that I am, because I want you to do the same.

God has a plan for us baby girl.
Greater than you or I could possibly imagine.
Maybe it'll be a Godly man willing to take on this mess of a momma and a beautiful baby girl.
Maybe it will just be HIM giving me the strength to be the best single mom I can be for you.
Whatever it is; I am trusting in him.

I would do anything for you baby girl.
You are my world.
I wish I were more like you; strong, independent, funny, and resilient.
I know how hard this is for you.
I don't want you to think it's easy for me.

It isn't.

I miss your daddy too.
I miss our family.
I miss being a wife.
I miss the life I thought we were going to have.

I know you didn't ask for this.

You don't get to pick who your parents are.
You don't get to decide what we do right or wrong.

I can't help but feel responsible for all the pain that will inevitably come due to coming from a broken home.
I am the one that walked away and took you with me, but sometimes life doesn't give you any other choice.

I dread the day you find out the truth of what actually tore our family apart.
I know how disappointed you will be and how much it may hurt, because I've been there.

I stayed so long because I loved your daddy and I still do.
I believed if I loved him enough he would change.

It isn't fair for you.
It isn't fair to me.
I hate this is story we have, but God can bring beauty from even the most broken places.

I love you more than life.
You will ALWAYS be more than enough for me.

You are without a doubt the greatest blessing I'll never live a day to deserve.
You are everything I love about myself and everything I wish I could be.
So kind and gentle; yet strong and courageous.
You speak your little mind without hesitation.
Brave and loving.
Days when the world is weighing me down, when I feel rejected and unloved-you remind me of my purpose. My everything.
You are my heart.
You are my life.
You are the most important part of me.
You're so sweet and innocent.
This world needs someone like you to make it brighter.
My love for you is infinite.

I know our family is broken now, but the love I carry for you is completely whole.

Love you my darling,
Mommy