Dear person that has lost a piece of their world,

As the start of my freshman year of college approaches, I can’t help but think about all of the goodbyes that are coming my way- friends, some of which I’ll probably never see again, people I like to call “forever friends,” those that will be here, well, forever, and family, including my absolutely opposite of me, twin sister. When the time to say goodbye comes, it will be hard. However, what’s harder is when you don’t realize you need to say goodbye.

I said goodbye to my best friend too early. Actually, I didn’t say “goodbye”- I said “see you never,” something I always said upon hanging up a two hour phone call, ending a long facetime, or leaving their presence until the next time. I wish I knew my statement was actually true. I wish that last, warm, hug on New Year’s Day lingered just a moment longer. I wish I could still get those hugs.

I write to you in the hope that I can share my experience with you, my feelings with you, and you can maybe take a piece of that away and apply it to yourself.

I write to you because I know it sucks. So, so, much.

I write to you in the hope that I can help a bit. Just a little.

I write to you because I know that there is always something to learn, always some way to grow, always something to shape you into the person you are now.

I didn’t dream. After I lost a piece of my world, I didn’t feel hungry, tired, thirsty, anything. I was numb. I was numb by the fact that a piece of my world was gone forever.

This was the person that I told everything to, the person that told me everything in return, the person I could sit in comfortable silence with, or talk hours on end with, or make all sorts of music with. This was the person that knew me as I am and loved me as I am.

But that person is gone. However, what’s not gone is the impact they made on my life, the memories we made together, and the lessons they taught me, both while here and after they were gone.

I learned that you’re going to think about that person. A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about my gone forever forever friend. And that’s okay. Thinking is good. Remembering is good. Loving is good. I loved them while they were here, and I love them still all the same now. The thinking keeps their memory and spirit alive, even though they have passed.

I learned that it’s good to talk about that person. I talked about them before, and I’ll talk about them now. I will never, ever, forget that person, so why should I banish the memories and stories of them into a corner of my mind? Why lock them away when you can instead spread the joy they gave you and hope their memory impacts the world just as that person has impacted you?

I learned that you will be sad. Some days, you’ll think about that person as if they’re not even gone, easily reliving your adventures and sharing them with those around you. Some days, the fact that you can’t have anymore adventures will become a little too real. And you know what, that’s okay too. The fact that we can feel emotions towards someone, even after they are already gone, and can experience loss and love and remembrance all together, is beautiful. That’s what makes us human.

I learned that those who really do care about you will be right by your side. In a time like this, where loss and sadness is ever present, it’s really easy to run away from the situation as an outsider looking in. It can be really uncomfortable to be around. Those that stay by your side despite this though, are the ones that won’t ever leave it. If they’re here in the bad, then they’ll be here in the good. Whether they held you while you cried, or sat and watched How I Met Your Mother with you because their presence was all you needed, or brought you something ridiculously sweet because they knew your taste buds all too well, they’ll be there. Always. That’s what a forever friend is.

I learned that when you lose someone, everyone handles it differently. Wanting to be surrounded by people or alone for awhile is normal. Wanting to be around your friends instead of your family doesn’t mean you are being selfish or inconsiderate, it just means that you need them a little extra right now.

I learned that when you say goodbye to someone, whether it’s a temporary “bye, see you tomorrow,” or a who knows when the next time I’ll see you “bye,” don’t necessarily expect you’ll see them again. Sure, you almost definitely will, but sometimes you won’t realize what you have until it’s gone.

Finally, I learned that it gets better. I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt. I’m not saying that sometimes you won’t take a moment and shed a couple tears, and then move on with your day. I’m not saying you’ll forget. Please, never, ever, forget. What I am saying though, is that it will get better. Life goes on, the earth keeps turning, and you keep moving. Just make sure you don’t leave your piece of world behind you to get lost.

It does get better though. I promise.

Sincerely,

Someone that has lost a piece of their world but will never stop moving forward