I have spent countless hours staring at my walls, staring at my ceiling, shoving my face into my pillow and pulling the covers over my head, but nothing works. There is not one topic that I can keep my brain focused on long enough to keep you out. It always manages to circle back to you, whether it’s knowing you would laugh or just knowing you would have something witty to say which would, in turn, make me laugh, you’re just always there.

I have put in my headphones and turned the volume up to max to try to drown out your voice, but it’s always on replay, whether it’s good or bad. The countless stupid things you have said just to make me laugh, the times we have fought and bickered like an old married couple. The times we have pissed each other off to the point we wouldn’t talk to each other, but we always made sure to apologize the next day. But most importantly, the times we stayed up late and just talked. Those times really replay in my mind because they’re so rare but they’re definitely my favorite.

I have sat in front of my PC and tried to lose myself in countless video games to just try to force you out, but even that doesn’t work anymore. Because all I can think is that you would be yelling at me for doing something a certain way because it can be done so much easier a different way or perhaps you would be amused because I’m cursing up a storm at a certain creature I can’t seem to kill.

The fact that you won’t get out of my head frustrates me to a very high level. Why? Because you don’t belong there. I have worked too hard and put up far too many walls for you to have just hopped right over them and made yourself nice and cozy on the inside. I don’t know how you did it because we butt heads way too often. There have been times when I was so angry with you, I didn’t want to be in your presence. But that’s what so frustrating about you. You know me too well. You know right away when something needs to be fixed, and you don’t let me walk away. You don’t let me lock you out and I hate that so very much. And the worst part about all of this? You don’t have a clue.