Dear old self,
If I could go back in time and tell you how amazing your life has turned out I would. I know you’re sitting on the bathroom feeling the weight of the world drop down on your shoulders. I know he hurt you and let you down….again. You don’t understand why he keeps doing this to you. He says he loves you…he shows you loves you…sometimes, but then other times he yells at you, he lies, and tells you how worthless you are and how you are nothing with out him. When he comes home you’re forced to walk on egg shells because if you say the wrong thing he will blow up. We know where the blow ups lead…but anything to keep the peace right? For the sake of the kids…You have to protect the kids. That’s all that matters to you. Oh dear old self….I know you can’t see the light. You feel it, you have hope. He says he will stop talking to other people, he says he will stop cheating on you….he promises he will do better and treat you better, he promises to stop drinking. He does for a while but then he picks up that can and takes in the poison….then it’s back down the rabbit hole he goes dragging you with him. Because you would have followed him to hell, if that meant you got some love from him. After all you do everything to try and make him happy but somehow your enough isn’t his enough…he sits there wanting more as you pour from your empty glass…hoping he fills it back up for you. But he doesn’t. You look up to the moon and ask her why? You pray, you have hope because this isn’t the life you want to live anymore but you can’t find the courage to walk away. How could you just throw the past 14 years away? But guess what? You do. You say to hell with it and let it burn to the ground. For the first time ever you felt freedom, you found peace…but it gets better….you find this amazing man. A man who’s gentle with your heart, makes you laugh till you almost pee yourself, he honest with you and he’s trustworthy, he makes you feel beautiful inside and out. He encourages your dreams …but most of all this man loves you and your babies. You start college, you have your own house and your own land and you are the happiest you have ever been. So dear old self thank you for staying strong and getting us to this place we are at now. We made it. ❤️
