Over the last weekend in February, I was lucky enough to go to NerdCon: Nerdfighteria in Boston, where hundreds of Nerdfighters descended upon the Hynes Convention Center for a weekend of awesomeness, unabashed nerdiness and the ultimate supportive environment.

Now, you might be wondering, April, what’s a Nerdfighter? The main definition of a Nerdfighter is “People who instead of being made up of cells and organs and stuff are actually made out of awesome.” Nerdfighteria sprang out of the vlogs of brothers John and Hank Green and is an online community dedicated to defending nerdiness and being awesome. NerdCon is an annual convention of panels, performances, science, and lots of love.

A helpful video from Thought Cafe on Nerdfighteria:

The last year of my life was hard. It’s better now that it was twelve months ago, but it’s not easy. But the weekend of NerdCon, I smiled and laughed so hard my face hurt. I cried at the pure kindness of the people around me. I put aside my crowd anxiety and talked to strangers, who were all incredibly friendly. I made new friends. The weekend of NerdCon was a gift, and I want to thank all of the Nerdfighters that made it what it was.

The weekend started with opening ceremonies, after which I explored the exhibition hall. In the exhibition hall, I visited booths for a number of charities and non-profits including She’s the First, To Write Love on Her Arms, This Star Won’t Go Out, Girl Up, The Harry Potter Alliance and more (I strongly encourage you to check out all these groups -- they are doing truly wonderful work). If you donated or purchased something at one of the booths, you received a prize -- one was the con was encouraging us to make donations and help these wonderful causes. This is one facet of Nerdfighteria that is immensely important and life affirming. The community is strongly allied with non-profits and helping others. This is an integral part of being a Nerdfighter. Talking to the lovely folks at these booths gave me so much hope through the darkness of the current climate in our country. I loved seeing all these folks so committed to helping others. Having struggled with my mental health last year, I was especially moved by the To Write Love on Her Arms project booth, because they were an important resource to me when I was struggling. Their messages of hope and love can make all the difference to a person in need and it was an incredible feeling to talk to and thank these people that mean so much to me. I also loved one feature of their booth: a wall where you could post a note of something you most want someone to hear, and you can take one that is what you need to hear. I have mine hanging on my wall next to my pillow so I see it every morning when I get up, and every night before I go to bed. One of the best moments of the weekend was realizing that someone took the note I put up there -- I hope it was what they truly needed to hear, and that it brought them at least a moment of joy. I am grateful to be able to pass on at least a taste of happiness. There were panels on activism throughout the weekend, and an ongoing conversation amongst members on how best to take action in the current political climate. It was empowering to be surrounded by people that care, and that want to make change, and I left feeling reenergized to do what I can to help people today.

After wandering the hall for a little while, I went to a signing with a favorite author of mine, Maureen Johnson, which was fun, but one thing that I was struck by was that instead of forming a line, we sat in rows of chairs to wait. I was impressed by this because of the commitment it shows on behalf of NerdCon to respect and help differently-abled Nerdfighters. I’ve been to a lot of book signings, and never before have I seen one where you were able to sit down. This was just one facet of NerdCon’s respect and consideration for those who are differently-abled. They also saved seats at the concerts and panels, had ASL interpreters at closing ceremonies and other events, and continually made an effort to be as inclusive as possible. One booth had gender pronoun nametags, and at multiple panels people were encouraged to introduce themselves with their pronouns, which I wish was the norm everywhere. They didn’t do a perfect job, but we can’t expect perfection (and they did respond to feedback and try to be better as the weekend went on, which is also incredibly important to recognize). They tried, and I am proud to be part of a community that makes such an effort to be inclusive.

The first panel I went to was on gender identity in Nerdfighteria, and it made me cry. Tears of joy to be surrounded by such love and kindness. I am cisgender, but I was so touched by the acceptance and support in the room, and I want to thank every person that was there, and every person that spoke up about their experiences. I want to thank the panelists. Every person that spoke at that panel is incredibly brave and I love that it was such a supportive environment that people felt comfortable enough to share. I think that everyone in the room was moved to tears by the father who spoke about accepting his transgender child. I know that I was. I will never forget him saying that it’s better to have a trans son than a suicidal daughter. That was one of the most powerful things I have ever heard someone say, and it brings me to tears now thinking about it. There is nothing that I wish more than for every parent of a queer/trans/non-binary child to be like that. I wanted to go up to him and thank him for being such a wonderful parent. I am thanking him now. I am thanking Nerdfighteria for showing me people like him, bringing me into this accepting, kindness-filled environment. Being there reminded me of the fact that there are kind, accepting people out there, and I feel so privileged to have been able to be in that room to witness that.

The other panel that brought me to tears was titled “Let’s Talk About Mental Health”. As I said above, I struggled a lot this year. Talking about mental health is incredibly important to me because I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through alone. I am so grateful for the panelists who sat up on that stage and were completely honest about what they’ve gone through. Panels like that are what we need to dismantle the stigma surrounding mental health in our culture. Panels like that remind us that we are not alone, which can make all the difference when your world looks dark. The message of hope that came from these panelists was another powerful moment of the weekend. To have five people sitting up there, being honest about their struggles but showing us that it gets better was incredibly powerful. But they also admitted that you aren’t always “better,” and that’s okay. Things aren’t always well managed, but that doesn’t mean they’ll never be. They didn’t sugarcoat the reality of struggling with mental illness, and they spoke out against the danger of romanticizing mental illness. The first moment that struck me was John Green’s simple admission, “I’m a person with mental illness, and I guess that’s why I’m here.” That really stuck with me, because as simple as that statement is, we don’t often hear someone acknowledging mental illness in that way. After him, each other panelist repeated that statement, which meant the world to me. That is something I work up the courage to say in my daily life, but I so often can’t get the words out of my mouth. These people sitting up on a stage in front of hundreds of people saying it definitely inspired me to go out in the world and be honest about my experiences. They also each spoke about the feeling of not liking yourself enough to get help, not thinking you deserved it, not thinking you are sick enough, and dismantled those myths. They affirmed that everyone deserves help, and that it one of the most important things to remember when it comes to mental health. There is no “sick enough.” You deserve to be happy, and that is that. Thank you to all of the panelists for your honesty. I have already rewatched the panel online, and I know I will hold it close to my heart for a long time to come.

Of course, the weekend also had some moments that were just pure fun. I went to the concert on Saturday night and got to see John Cozart sing “After Ever After”, screamed along with Harry and the Potters and Hank and the Perfect Strangers. I got to chant “the weapon we have is love” and raised my wand high. I got to sing along as John and Hank Green sang a song about fighting with each other about human nature. It was the most fun concert I have ever been to. I sang Hamilton along with practically every other person there and got to totally geek out. It was just a three hours of pure joy. This continued the next day with “Sax Ed,” led by one of the Harry and the Potters brothers. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard. Myself and my best friend, both introverts, sang and danced and conga-lined with a room full of other nerds. We made sexual saxophone innuendos and talked about “safe sax” and enthusiastic consent. I felt comfortable making a total fool of myself, and for once didn’t feel embarrassed to dance and sing in a room full of people. Thank you, Joe DeGeorge, for making my best friends and I laugh and dance and sing twice in two days.

This is my thank you letter. Thank you, Hank and John. Thank you, Nerdfighters. Thank you for your nerdiness, your love, your support, your honesty, your bravery. Don’t forget to be awesome.