I cannot deny that we’ve been through some ups and downs, but despite the fact that it may have seemed like I hated you at times, I’ve come to realize how unique and special the connection between a brother and a sister is.

A sibling is unique in that they are the only other person in the world who understands what it’s like to grow up in the same household as you, under the same roof, raised by the same parents with the same unreasonably strict rules that seemed impossible to understand.

With you, I found entertainment through boring car rides and long days of errands. Together we played imaginary games, turning our backyard playground into a pirate ship or a bedroom into a theater where we spent hours rehearsing plays we would later perform for our parents. We share the memories of family vacations, getting our first dog, moving to a new house, and hundreds of other childhood memories that would shape us into who we would later become. There is no one else in the world with whom I can say I have shared a childhood, and for that reason we will always have a deep-rooted bond.

As we grew up things began to change. I could no longer boss you around as much as I wanted to when we were little. Our relationship took a turn for the worse.We turned from friends to enemies, telling on each other, and doing whatever we could to annoy the other. I know I bullied you, and that as the older sibling, I should’ve been the bigger person. I could have been a better big sister to you, and for that I want to say that I am truly sorry.

Despite our rough patches, the bond between us will always be strong.You’ve watched me grow up, enduring the struggles of elementary school, middle school, and high school. You’ve seen me at my very worst—through broken friendships, screaming fights with parents, awkward stages, and my overly-dramatic “teenage-angst” phase of life. You know me at my very core, my truest self, who I am in the privacy of our home. After growing up together for 18 years, I have to say that I know your flaws, struggles, and who you are at your very core as well.

I’ve watched you mature and grow into an incredible person who makes me proud to call you my brother, and as we both go through college and become real adults, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I will always be the person you can come to for girl advice, and I will always be here to agree with you and complain about our parents and their dumb rules. More than anything, I will always be here to support you and love you through good and bad times.

It’s hard to believe that we’ve both left the nest and are living in different states, but as we get older and our families change, I take comfort in knowing that I will always have you, the one person who has been defined by the same childhood that has defined me. No matter how much you think I don’t like you, you are so special to me, and no matter how old we get, you will always be my little brother and I will always be your big sister.

I love you.